Day Fifty-Nine

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

Sleep is not easy. I wake up with night sweats but not from nightmares (for once). This is one of the big warning signs of a kidney infection. I know this because I've had them before. Not only that but I piss blood and I have the tremors bad. Don't you hate it when you know your body so well you know when you're sick before doctor's can even run tests?

It's Sunday so the only services open is Day Program #1 which opens in the afternoon. To make matters worse I have to check in with Beard Man or Mother Goose today or I'll lose my bed. I'd rather eat my big toe than talk to those idiots but Kitten Lady keeps telling me I need to suck up my pride. I agree to talk to them but make no promises to be nice. "It's going to be a dramatic day," I warn her.

We go to Powell's where I sell the Tarot deck we stole for $4. Dream big! As for the rest of our adventures in Powell's I'll just say we were naughty. That wheel chair is a boosting machine. We both hate it though. It's a million pounds and I can barely push us up the hills that are Portland. "I think I know why they didn't put metal bars on this wheel chair," KL observes, "They didn't think anyone would be stupid enough to steal it."

I guess OHSU didn't prepare themselves for us.

Once it is time to go to the day program we prepare ourselves for a giant blow out. With us being interrupted with my having to pee every ten seconds we don't really have a whole lot of time to come up with a plan. I'm okay with getting kicked out but only minor-ly kicked out as I need to see the doctor in the youth clinic for my kidney.

When we get there I have to pee right that second. When you have a kidney infection you have to pee all the time and at a moment's notice. It's painful, like pissing glass. All the bathrooms are of course full and I freak out, groaning in pain. Mother Goose asks what's going on and I scream I need a bathroom. While I'm screaming that I need a bathroom I start yelling about this whole needing to check in thing, "I need a bathroom right now and I'd also like an explanation as to how you guys don't have the time of day to ask me how I'm doing or even say hello but you can go out of your way to send emails saying you want me kicked out of my res."

"Why don't we get you to a bathroom?"

"Fuck yes I need a bathroom but I need an explanation for this bullshit too."

Only me. Even I'll admit I can be one crazy bitch, fighting over a bed reservation while screaming that I need a bathroom. She opens the downstairs bathroom for me and I run to the toilet where I...well I don't think you want the details. When I come out she asks if it hurts. Obviously, it hurts like shit.

We end up talking in the lobby of the medical clinic which is fine. It's preferable to her office which is usually crowded with hygiene products and other supplies for homeless fucks like us. I tell her I think they're all assholes, denying us things we need just because we might "sell" them because KL and Houdini are addict. I rant for quite awhile, by the end of it I'm sick of hearing myself.

Mother Goose goes into complete ass kissing mode. I'm surprised when she gives us the movie tickets we have been asking for for months. She says she'll keep my reservation for shelter and by the end of the night I'm satisfied enough to keep putting up with the bullshit another day.

We go to the medical clinic where our lazy eye doctor is working. I go into my story telling mode and complain about the pokey sticks and water torture and all the other horrible things that happened to me. She agrees with me when I tell her everything that is happening to make me think I have a kidney infection. She prescribes me another set of antibiotics and says I need to take both.

She gets KL a new wheel chair, one she can wheel herself, that's ten thousand pounds lighter so I can push it without dying. One of the other kids with a broken foot is getting a wheel chair too so I joke we should race. The doctor is thrilled with this. We take ourselves and our new wheel chair up to the benches by shelter where we smoke weed with a stolen pipe until it's time to go inside and go to bed.

--mm

Day Fifty-Eight

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

I wake up with a swollen finger and an ear ache. To top it off it's Saturday so there's nothing open until 1pm. We aren't sure what to do with ourselves but in the end we go to Day Program #2 to see if they'll let us in early as we are both really miserable.

The staff guy won't let us in. It's obvious he's having a bad day and taking it out on us as usually he's a really cool guy. Kitten Lady hits a bowl someone else lights. The staff guy asks what it is. She blows it in his face and says, "That's what it is." This gets us excluded for the rest of the day. Just great.

I want to nap and watch television so I request a cab to take us to the hospital to have my yellow, swollen finger looked at. The guy agrees only to get rid of us and gets a taxi to take us to the Legacy hospital. They take us back pretty fast but into a regular doctor's office rather than a room with a bed and a television. The doctor barely glances at my finger and says my ear ache is a swollen lymph-node  worsened by an abundance of wax in my ear. When he leaves the room I barely touch my finger nail and a stream of pus shoots out of it. It startles me so much I scream. I run to show KL the pus and it squirts again hitting her in the shoulder and Tweak in the face. I feel like Spider Man.

"This beats pepper spray, no one would fuck with us outside," I say.

KL demands I tell the doctor what's going on. I yell and the nurse comes in and says what I already know, the release of pus is a good thing and will mean less pressure when I try to write or crochet. I am not satisfied with this doctor.  I'm sorry but I want some more exciting information when my finger shoots pus out of the nail.

We leave the hospital and since we are on one of the sides of town I love but never get to go to I drag KL to one of the hippie stores I really like. KL sleeps on a bench while I browse the Tarot decks they have for sale. I'm not huge on reading cards but I have a love of the art on the cards and how different artists interpret them. I find a deck that seems promising but I obviously don't have money so I slip them in KL's oversized purse before helping her hobble out. We're both starving so we split a sandwich from Subway before calling a cab to take us to OHSU.

OHSU is once again packed so for the second time in two days we are put on the pediatrics side. The doctor actually examines my nail and other areas of my skin that don't look so good right now. She says I have a lot of extra wax in my ear she can try to get out of my ear. She first tries with some sort of pokey stick to pull the wax out but it's too dry. She tells us if we're patient enough she can irrigate them later.

Seeing as the main reason we came in was to watch television and take a nap we are certainly patient enough and I'm ready and waiting to milk it for all it's worth. It takes hours for them to have the time to do it but this is of course okay with us. It's nice to have somewhere semi-private to hang out for once.

They don't give us food or spoil us like the previous nurses but we really don't mind despite our growling stomachs. (Okay, I'll speak for myself I really didn't care.) They put drops in my ear to soften the wax before they try to irrigate them and then send me to the pharmacy to get antibiotics. KL decides to step out for a cigarette while I do the drug run.

I beat her back to the room. When she tries to wheel herself back in she is cornered by an old mean lady who tells her to put the cat outside. I mouth to her to just put Tweak in my backpack then come back in. She goes out to do this and then doesn't come back in.

The nursing student starts to irrigate my ear and while it's not my favorite sensation it doesn't hurt. The mean old lady takes the syringe and digs it so deep in my ear that I start screaming. I'm jumping off the table as she pushes me down so hard I can feel the pain all the way down to my stomach. I'm screaming for her to stop.

The original doctor hears the commotion and comes back in to put an end to this Chinese water torture. She says the wax has been pushed farther back and is now resting on my ear drum. I'm in tears it hurts so bad. She gives me some Ibuprofen and Tylenol and sends me on my way. I walk out without even signing the release paper work.

I find KL sitting in the waiting room. She says the mean old lady told her I didn't want her to come back into the room which we all know is a lie. I wail and scream, "They stuck it so deep in my ear. It hurts and I can't hear anything now." KL is torn between wanting to laugh at my pathetic face and feeling I look so pathetic she can't. (She is commenting and said I should put, "or smacking the lady in the face").

"What do you even mean? They stuck what in your ear too deep?"

I scream, telling her what happened. I can't hear myself talk but I'm pretty sure the rest of Portland can. When I calm down we're laughing and crying about the mean old lady shoving shit in my ear.

"Only we could come into the hospital faking and leave injured," we laugh.

KL hates crutches and we're both not too happy with the hospital. Obviously, the only logical thing to do is to highjack a wheelchair. The regular ones you can wheel yourself all have giant metal bars sticking up off of them, "I just realized those have a purpose," KL says about them, "They're so people can't take them."

She's a smart one isn't she?

This means we must resort to stealing a really heavy blue one that can only be pushed from behind. We aren't quite sure if we can pull this one off. To push it you have to hold a bar closed and the chair is bigger than both of us put together. Pushing her is damn near impossible as the chair itself weighs about a thousand pounds and Tweak is a fat ass. We get her on the bus though neither of us have any idea how we pulled it off.

We head back downtown where we have just enough time to get a free slice of pizza from a local joint. (Given not stolen). Then we get ice cream from another grocery store (stolen not given) and go to shelter.

Getting KL and her wheel chair up the stairs to shelter is a task but once completed I'm finally able to go upstairs and get some much needed sleep.

--mm

Day Fifty-Seven

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

I find KL in the food courts. She looks like shit. She slept on a box with only one small blanket for warmth. It was a cold night. She had gone into the McDonald's bathroom to do her rinse at 6pm. The next thing she knew it was 9:30pm and the needle was still in her arm. It was the cat that woke her up; she had been playing with the needle. If I had been more observant I would have found her; I had called her name in the bathroom but left when there was no answer. 

I don't know how to tell her Houdini is in jail. I just tell her with no warning, no preface just, "Houdini is in jail." Nothing seems to be going well for her lately. Her boyfriend of three years is in jail, her friend is dead, and she almost over dosed. Nothing is going as it should. 

Her foot is hurt and she can't remember why. I tell her we should go to the clinic and have it checked but she'd rather self medicate with dope and I'm too tired to argue. After she gets that done we don't want to do anything else so we go to Hell to watch movies. I put on Mizyaki's "The Cat Returns" and we both curl up on blankets and fall asleep. When we wake up KL can't move her foot and she is crying in pain. I carry her to the stairs and she scoots herself up. We stagger to the elevator so we can get out to call a cab. She calls an organization she used to go to and they get us a cab to go to the clinic. 

We get there as they are closing up. The clinic refuses to see her even when I throw a fit so I run upstairs to grab Bernard, the guy who took us shopping. Bernard helps me carry her outside then grab good and beverages. He calls us a cab to take us to the OHSU hospital.

KL currently has a warrant so she can't go in her own name. One of the girls gives us permission to use her name and social security number. It's identity "borrowing" but the law would still see it as identity theft which is a class A felony. What else can we do without KL going to jail though? She needs an xray which the clinic doesn't have. OHSU is overflowing. They put us in the pediatrics waiting room where I have a blast playing video games while KL moans in pain in the background.

When they call us back to the hospital room we make ourselves at home. I put on "Rent" on my laptop to distract KL from the pain. Many of our nurses sing along to it. They bring us all the warm blankets we want and anything else we ask for. They offer us food but we have tons of snacks left from movie time earlier so we decline. I hide Tweak in my lap under the blankets. We turn the room into our own as we try to tune out the sounds of screaming children in the rooms behind us. 

She gets an Xray that determines she has a very small chip in one of the tiny bones on the top of her foot. They need to splint it. The doctors wheel in a cart with buckets of plaster. They hold KL's foot at a 90 degree angle as they splint it. This is excruciatingly painful so she screams and squeezes my hand so hard my ring digs into my knuckles and I'm screaming.  Meanwhile I type one handed as I chat on Facebook with my friend Sleepy. 

When they're done we ask if we can stay the night. They send a social worker in to talk to us as they say they can't give us a room for the night. The social worker says it's impossible to get us a hotel room which I think is bullshit. She decides to call shelter instead which I think is a swell idea until KL points out we're using someone else's name. We highly doubt the social worker will get through though so I'm not worried. Needless to say we are shocked when not only does she get through but no one rats us out for the fake name. The social worker gets us a cab to take us "home". 

Before we leave the room I steal us six hospital blankets for future outside excursions. Tweak sits openly on the bed chasing her tail. The nurses, instead of scolding us are impressed at our abilities to sneak her in and hide her for three hours. The nurses squeal saying she is so cute and take videos of her chasing her tail. We wait outside for the taxi where Tweak chases her reflection in the window. By the time we arrive at shelter it is almost midnight. We left for the hospital at 6pm. 

I walk KL up the stairs, make her bed and prop her foot on a stack of sheets. I slip her crutches under her bed. Once she and Tweak are settled I go upstairs to put myself to bed. I'm exhausted. It is so tiring to have friends with broken feet. 

--mm

Day Fifty-Six

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

KL and Houdini don't show up for breakfast so as soon as I'm done eating I jump on the max and go to Cameron's press release. I ask him how he feels and he says, "All that and a bag of chips". Hungry runs around from person to person getting all the attention a celebrity cat deserves. Kate Lore drops of doughnuts donated by voodoo. She kisses Cameron on the cheek and apologizes, saying she can't stay.

At 10am we move in front of the City Hall building where Cameron reads off a list of compromises he has reached with the city. It's hard to really absorb what these agreements mean as he lists them off. Mostly the city is agreeing to reevaluate things such as their camping laws and other discriminatory policies. Cameron then reads off his list of thank-yous including one for his writing teacher he should be in class with and a special thanks to Hungry the cat. There are 50-75 spectators and Voodoo doughnuts has donated enough for all of us. Cameron has his own custom made vegan doughnut with blueberry filling, peanut butter, fried banana and chocolate chips. We all scoot in and surround him staring as he takes his first bite. Cameras flash and microphones are shoved in his face as he chews.

"How does it taste?" I yell. 

"Like food."

People cheer.

He tells everyone to grab doughnuts and eat but we all hesitate. No one wants to be the first to grab one. Finally, someone does and the rest of us follow suit. My mouth is watering as I grab an Oreo and peanut butter doughnut. Voodoo is one of the Portland comfort foods I've become overly attached to in the last three years. I haven't had them since I've been back in town. As I take my first bite no doughnut has ever tasted so good.

The various newspapers and television channels swoop in and attack Cameron. I keep hopping from place to place to try and escape the various cameras. This is futile though as cameras outnumber the people. Every photographer grabs photos of Hungry as she struts around the hoopla. She is one special, famous cat. I say my goodbyes to Hungry and Camera and go to the library until lunch.

I pass camera crews outside my sleeping spot on my way to Day Services #2. They have a wiener dog tied up to the gate so I stop and say hello to him. I ask one of the crew how filming has been going. He says they'll be gone in about an hour and I say I'm happy to see them go as they are taking over my home. I find KL and Houdini at #2. We decide to go to the library. On our way KL jumps up onto our spot to see if her wallet is up there. Houdini stands and screams at her saying everyone who passes is going to call the police on us. A pregnant lady walks by and says, "I'm just impressed she can climb up there." Houdini keeps screaming.

"Leave," I yell at him, "Your paranoia is what's going to get us caught, not what we're doing."

Houdini starts screaming in my face that he's not paranoid because he's never gotten a felony and the whole same saga I hear every day when he starts this paranoia shit. He keeps saying he's going to beat me up and he'd go to jail for life just to get me to shut up because I talk too much shit. When KL sticks up for me he starts yelling at her too.

"Yell in my face Houdini," I say, "Keep going. You are on probation for domestic violence and you're a black man yelling at two little white girls in a city that is racist as Hell. What do you think is going to happen?"

He won't stop so I ditch them and run to the library. I don't want to be there when people call the police. KL finds me and apologizes purfosely. 

"It's okay," I tell her, "We all know you're dating an asshole."

She says she's going to fill up our soda and come back. She doesn't though and when the library closes I go to dinner alone. After dinner I sit and read, enjoying having a quiet minute to myself. I start to wonder where Houdini and KL are when there's no sign of them after 8pm but I stay put and read. My phone rings with an 866 number. I think about ignoring it as it's probably a bill collector. I answer anyways.

"This is a free call from inmate Houdini at Multnomah County Jail. Do you accept this call?"

Oh fuck. I accept. 

He tells me they got him on his probation violation. He ran so they chased him and beat him up. He threw everything he had so they couldn't find it so there's no new charges. I double check this on the online inmate database and he appears to be telling the truth. He asks for KL but she is no where to be seen. I check all the usual spots but no one has seen her.

I figure she hid to avoid the police. I have found her every other time before so I'm not worried when I go up to shelter.

-mm

Infected!

Hey guys, thanks for your continued support. I'm sorry things are still being delayed. Kitten Lady broke a small bone in her foot so that's been a fiasco and to top it off I have kidney, ear and skin infections. No joke. I'm the only person on the planet that could get all those infections at once. I think I'm also starting to get a cold.

To make matters worse my laptop charger is MIA. So I have a crippled friend and infected body and no laptop charger to speak of! I've been reduced to pen and paper! Oh no!

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have enough time to sit and transfer everything onto the blog in the library. In the mean time there is some serious need of cheering up in Portland. Send a message, care package, comment, anything. We are two really pathetic girls over here.

Day 55 + 56 on their way!

I haven't forgotten you. Currently in the hospital with kitten lady. She is getting xrays now to see if her foot is broken so I'm with her here.

Day Fifty-Five

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

We sleep in until 10am. When we wake up there are a few shelter kids sitting at the picnic table next to us. I wave but don't say anything to them. I am not a morning person; I do not like to talk to people in the morning; I hardly even converse with Kitten Lady. The day begins with a hunt for Houdini because KL is in a panic not having her dose and needing at least a rinse to make it through the morning.

 

A little Asian guy who works in one of the food courts asks me if we've had anything to eat. When I shake my head he tells me to wait and he'll make us breakfast. He brings out two things of chicken and rice. He even asks me what our names are. When I say them he repeats them. He tells me to be safe.

It is the moments like this that keep me going when the going gets tough.There is something to being acknowledged as a human being when you've been invisible for so long.

After we find Houdini we have to find a bathroom which proves even more difficult. When we attempt to go into Baja Fresh to pee the lady that owns the restaurant actually chases us out threatening to call the police. I find that unbelievable. All we wanted to do was pee (and okay, KL wanted to shoot up but we didn't say that) and she chases us out and calls the police on us when all we did is respectfully try to use the bathroom. Day Program #2 told us we couldn't use their bathrooms because KL "takes too long". I'm half tempted to pee on either their door step or Baja Fresh's door step.

I get separated from KL and Houdini which is just as well. I eat my chicken and rice and offer some of it to Spencer who apparently doesn't want it. I am so thankful for this meal. I don't even have the words to express it. I haven't had street cart food in 6 months. I used to live for it. In Portland Street Carts are the best food you can get for the best price. I used to eat out of them several times a week and many of the carts have developed into comfort foods for me. Something about having so many street carts at your disposal like that makes me feel more at home. Having good food like that handed to me is like being back in my old life for a brief minute. 

I go down to City Hall to check on Cameron and Hungry. He tells me he is ending his hunger strike tomorrow as he and the city have reached a compromise. He doesn't offer a whole lot of details but it makes me happy to know that an agreement is finally being worked out. The atmosphere on the streets have been very tense. I'm intrigued to see what has changed, if anything. He says there will be a press conference at 10am tomorrow. I promise to try and make it.

I find KL and Houdini back at the food courts where we slept. It's almost time for the day programs to open for lunch. We go to #2 for lunch where I find a change of clothes in the clothing closet and take a shower. I let Spencer sit outside my shower and he sleeps on the pile of dirty towels that have accumulated there from homeless kids too lazy to bring their towels out to laundry.

After my shower I sit and read while I wait for KL to finish hers. She vomits all over the bathroom. Houdini gets news that his best friend died of an overdose in a bathroom inside the mall. He was 20 years old. He had been kicked out of shelter because he overdosed at one point and fell down the stairs. He had been dead for hours before he was found. KL sobs at the news. We all just saw him a few days ago.  He had just come out of treatment. He had come to Portland from New York, without any family. Now he has died alone in a bathroom in another state where he has no one. There is no word of whether anyone will hold any form of memorial service for him or claim him.

We try to sell clothes at the Buffalo Exchange but they don't take anything. I then decide it is time to take Spencer home to his uncle. We get to the apartment without an issues. I smother him with kisses and change my shirt before I run out the door. I have to get back downtown before my bus ticket expires. I can't afford to buy another one.

I go to McDonalds where I buy an ice cream. The manager I called a pussy takes my order but doesn't do anything besides smile to me. He almost laughs. I think we've come to an understanding now. I don't hold a grudge against him.

Right before it's time to head into shelter KL and Houdini show up. She had gone off with a family friend who has decided to let her stay there at least for the night. The "aunt" as KL calls her bought her and Houdini a bunch of snacks. I eat some of them as I'm starving. Besides the chicken and rice I really haven't eaten at all.

In shelter we have house meeting. I'm nominated and then chosen before I can even realize what's happened to lead next week's house meeting. I don't think these kids even know what they just did. After the meeting I clean out of my locker so that I can organize the clothes I've brought back from Savior Man's house. I feel better when I realize I'm not the only one doing a mass locker clean out when the pregnant girl in my dorm is doing the same.

She's not Vampire Girl's version of pregnant. She is about to burst pregnant. Her son is due in two months but because she is diabetic he might be born early. His head is already facing down. She shows me his pictures from a recent ultra sound. It's definitely a real baby. She is eighteen years old, diabetic, pregnant and homeless. I can't even imagine what it is like to be her right now. I would be scared shitless.

 Once I've showered and cleaned up my locker I sit in bed and work on blog posts until I can no longer keep my eyes open. I have nightmares but when I wake up I don't really remember them.

--mm

Day Fifty-Four

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

We promised to meet at Day Program #1 for breakfast because I miss having oatmeal and Kitten Lady and Houdini both need to see the doctor for swollen lumps they've gotten from shooting up. Houdini's whole hand is swollen to the point that he can't make a fist or grip the handles on his bike. Though my case manager has seen me each time we've gone there to eat she hasn't so much as acknowledged my existence. I honestly don't know where I am within case management now but I'm too stubborn to even consider making the first move.

Houdini and Kitten Lady don't show up which means they've slept in. Good for them. I go to the library and hang out on the internet. They find me there and we hang out on our computers until it's time for lunch. We go to #2 for lunch which is burgers on hamburger buns again. They're out of ketchup which is annoying but the burger itself is actually pretty legit and the fries are almost edible.

I call Savior Man and ask if I can come by to get some clothes and see Spencer. He tells me of course I can so I go off telling KL I'll try to get back to #2 before it closes. I take the max and then the bus to Savior Man's apartment. He's only about thirty to forty-five minutes away from downtown depending on which train/route to take. Even though it's a short trip it's still pretty far when you're homeless. I try not to go outside of free rail zone mostly because I can't afford it. Bus fare takes a lot of money if you use it too often. I really don't know what we'll do when the free rail is no more.

When I walk in the door I call for Spencer who runs up and kisses me. I have been a horrible cat mom for abandoning him for so long. I'll be honest, I put off coming to visit Spencer and get clothes because I am embarrassed about what happened when I visited Savior Man the last time with Houdini making a scene and the money disappearing. Whenever Savior Man comes up KL apologizes for Houdini. I sincerely don't want her to feel bad, nor do I even want Houdini to feel bad. I actually really do like Houdini. He has a big heart and I believe he would do almost anything for KL or myself. He just has some pretty apparent faults that can be hard to overlook at first.

Savior Man has never brought up what happened that night besides the night it happened. He has forgotten it and let it go but his roommates have made it clear I'm the only homeless person allowed in the apartment. It's understandable but it's hard and I genuinely feel bad for the whole situation. And I've done what I do best: ignore the situation which results in being a really bad friend and a terrible cat mom.

After showering each other with kisses Spencer doesn't pay much attention to me. I pick him up and I'm surprised to find his weight has doubled. Not even that but he is more long than the length of my whole torso. My cat is almost bigger than me.

“What are you feeding him? Steroids?”

“Just kitty food.”

“Did you take my cat and replace him with a wooly mammoth?”

“I'm sorry M I just wanted a wooly mammoth so bad.”

Spencer as a baby.

Spencer now at one year old.

Savior Man makes us all curry for dinner. He's an excellent cook and it makes me so happy to finally have curry for the first time in a long while. I love me some curry but the stuff they call cury that they occasionally serve in the day program is not real curry.

I go through my suitcases to find some clothing to take to shelter. I grab some of my magnets I bought in Atlanta to hang letters friends have sent to my locker in shelter. I decide since it's my turn to sleep outside with KL I might as well take Spencer for the night as he is having some abandonment issues. Savior Man gives us a ride to the max station despite the fact that his car is falling apart and not perfectly safe to be driving.

We get to the day program shortly before closing. Spencer rides on the back of my backpack with his head on my shoulder. He is feeling opinionated though and hisses, bites, growls. I've had him since he was three days old so this is new for me as in the year he's been alive he's never acted like this. He's so huge that people can't help but comment on him. I like when I walk with him hanging on my shoulder or my backpack. I always find it fun to watch people's reactions to seeing a cat, especially one as large as he is, riding on a backpack. Even better than that is watching as people's faces light up when they see it. They don't even notice I'm homeless. They are just thrilled to see him. At Day Program #2 not even Director Lady can help but comment on the extremely large lion I am carrying around.

We sit at the benches outside of the Dollar Tree. We try to introduce Tweak and Spencer but it doesn't go well. Tweak smacks Spencer because she's a bold little kitten. Then Spencer goes to smack her back. When I go to flick his nose he whacks me and his claw gets stuck in my lip. When it rips out I drop blood everywhere. It looks like my lip is going to need a stitch the gash is so deep and wide. He didn't mean to. He's doubled in size and weight and he usually has his nails clipped. You can tell he feels bad about it.

My lip injury. 

When it comes time I go up into shelter to grab some things we need for the night and drop off the excess stuff. We walk to Safeway where KL's favorite security guard is working. She lets us steal food for the night.

We go to KL's sleeping spot as mine is still being filmed for Grim. We find two guys she considers family and they get to catching up. Both of them have been gone for months. One just got out of prison. The other was out of town. I'm not a huge fan of these guys. One talks about how he would never touch KL but he has fantasies about her. The other insists on smoking the pot Savior Man gave me with us. They make comments about Spencer's behavior as he's hissing and biting. They only talk about heroin which I can't help but have a hard time relating to.They try to act like they know what's going on in downtown (as in who is selling or not selling or arrested right now) when they clearly don't. They've been gone for months. They can't school KL on that.

Since I don't like them but KL does I put in ear plugs and lay down while they catch up. When they finally leave I ask KL to start passing snacks to me. She says she's irritated about how they were trying to act like they knew who was selling. "Yeah, that irritated me," I say, "I don't even know anything about heroin but I just wanted to tell them to shut up. I probably know more about what's going on downtown than they do." We giggle and talk for a little while before we both fall asleep. Sometime in the night one of the guys joins us and wedges in between us. At first I had been totally against this but when he doesn't do anything but touch the small of my back I decide I'm okay with this. He is warm, has an extra blanket he covers us with and I do feel safer having a guy sleeping with us. When we're two little girls alone we're easy to fuck with but when there's a guy there people hesitate more.

We don't get fucked with at all and actually sleep very well if you don't count KL having to get up several times to vomit in the night.

--mm

More Posts Coming Soon!!!

Wow! You guys are devoted. My page views have been skyrocketing each day. I apologize for the delay. I know I'm on average two days behind lately. It's just a matter of limited internet access. I only have 30 minutes of online time today as I was unable to get to the library until closing time. I promise to get you guys caught up on day 54 and 55 tomorrow. I'll write it all tonight so all I have to do is post it tomorrow. Thank you for being such faithful and patient readers. And Hello Malaysia! It's exciting to see that I am being read all over the world now. I'm really honored by how this is growing. While you're waiting read the updated version of day Fifty-Two.

Coming to a blog near you!!

*The monster cat
*The pitbull returns
*The critical lip accident
*Bumps going pop, pop, pop!
*The evil Baja Fresh lady.
*The happenings at City Hall.
*The problems with the popo
*The backpack cat.
*The latest dumb shit I've done!

You don't want to miss it! Pictures and videos included for the first time ever.

1,000 Page Views and Other Announcements

Thanks to loyal readers like you I have now over 1,000 page views! I am excited and honored to have so many people reading. I promise to try and be more consistent with posting each day. Feel free to "follow" and leave comments and all that fun blogging jazz. :)

I'm also excited to announce that PortlandStreetKid is now on Tumblr. Check it out and feel free to follow me. I'm not so good at Tumblr but I will try and keep it up to date. I'm still working out the kinks with it so please be patient with me. I'm still learning.

Lastly, because my readership has grown I will be going through to make things more obscure to further help protect myself and those mentioned in the blog. The big thing is that I will no longer list the names of the day service centers, shelters and other places that we frequent.

Now the day service center that has the good oatmeal will be called Day Program #1. The one with shitty food will be called Day Program #2. The lower part of shelter will simply be called Downstairs and the program I am currently in with Houdini will be called Upstairs. The grocery store we frequent before we go into shelter will be Grocery Store. (I know these things are so very original.

Please be patient with me while I make these changes as it is important to make sure we remain safe and un-arrested. Feel free to leave a comment, press the "follow" button and check out the Tumblr page. I appreciate the wonderful support you guys give each time you come on and read my blog.

--mm

Day Fifty-Three

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

In the morning I begin my hunt for Kitten Lady as soon as I finish breakfast. I find one of the street kids sleeping on the sidewalk with one of her blankets. He says he saw her in the morning at Lloyd Center Mall. I tell Houdini where I'm going and hop on the max. I check every bathroom and finally find her in the food court popping all her face bumps in the mirror. I know her too well.

She tells me she started hanging out with some people and lost track of time because she was enjoying herself and just didn't come back. I scold her for making us worry. She takes her time popping face bumps and about two hours later we head back to day services for lunch. 

When we get there they are all out of food. This has never happened to me before. I make a heaping bowl of cereal and eat while KL takes over the bathroom again. When they are finally able to get us out we go to Fred Meyer. We do our shenanghans and get yogurt, granola, bananas, pistachios and chocolate chips. We only pay for the bananas. Our normal people aren't working today so we get kicked out for the kitten. We're just as happy to leave. We know they are watching us and suspecting us of stealing. We just don't have much choice right now without food stamps or money.

We go to the benches by the Dollar Tree to eat our linner. We use the bathrooms at McDonalds then head back down to the other side of the bridge by Whole Foods and Powells. KL and Houdini go to Starbucks and to give them space I go into Powell's. 

I go back to McDonalds where we all meet up again. KL is really sick and crying. The Methadone withdrawals have been killing her lately. When shelter opens Houdini comes up and I give him the sleeping bag and some warmer clothes for KL. They take my phone and go to sleep outside.

Nerd Boy Wonder starts yelling about someone deleting the Pokemon off of his DS. "I'm going to smash you," he screams.

The rest of us dissolve into giggling fits. We spend the majority of the night making fun of him. Later Director Lady gets us started on a conversation about books. I'm surprised to discover that not only is she secretly a nerd outside of shelter (She plays WoW) but she also fancies Twilight. What is wrong with her? 

I rant about the terrible writing that is Twilight and how the fact that the books even got published makes me concerned for the future of American literature. 

I finish off the night with the dishes. Since dinner was a terribly pathetic lasagna it's a small load tonight. I have the radio blasting and I'm signing along to it while I'm scrubbing bits of lasagna off of the plates when I turn around and there is a police officer standing behind me. I don't even know what to do. My mouth hangs open. I'm terrified that there is a random guy I don't know who happens to be a police officer standing right behind me. To top it off I'm embarrassed of my off key singing and irritated that he interrupted a very good song. (Somebody I Used to Know by Goyte.)

While my life is flashing before my eyes he asks me to turn down the radio. I obey, apologizing for my loudness as I had no idea he was there. He says he just needs to talk to someone outside the door. I go back about my business after he leaves.

"Hey, hey." I hear coming from the window. I look around my shoulders confused and see Ariel's head sticking in the window. She's standing on the roof outside. She puts a finger to her lips, "Sh. Can you warn me if staff is coming?" I say I'll cough or something to warn her. She has slipped out the staff bathroom window to sneak a cigarette on the roof. Street kids continue to impress me with their stealth at getting away with things.
"Why are the police here?" I ask.
"Some girl is suicidal."

That's fairly normal. People have died of overdoses in shelter. Whether accidental or not I can't really blame anyone for wanting to off themselves in this place. I wonder how many people come in here suicidal because of their messed up lives or end up suicidal due to the conditions we live in. It's impossible to tell which comes first. I continue the dishes with the radio even lower so I can hear staff coming and going. Ariel tells me she is going to bed and says goodnight. Nazi Man comes back in shortly after. 

"The next time cops come parading into my kitchen you better warn me first!" I demand.
"They came in here?" he asks.
"Yes!" I hiss, "That scared the living shit out of me."
"I'm sorry I had no idea they were coming in here."
"Yeah, dude no, that scared me shitless. Never again."

Nazi Man promises me that next time he'll warn me. Street kids and police aren't exactly the best friends. It's not uncommon for police to show up at shelter for various reasons. They usually keep them out of the actual shelter part and try to keep them on the landings where they warn those of us who loiter there. Anytime cops show up in any of our service centers or shelter staff are nice enough to try and warn us. Usually people scatter the moment they hear the word police.

Nazi Man tells me to help myself to today's reject pastries that have been donated. I take three muffins and wrap them in tin foil for later. I go upstairs to shower where I take an Oxy with my sleeping pill because there's not a bone or muscle in my body that doesn't hurt. I wait for the medications to kick in while reading a book in the video game room where someone is passing the time killing zombies.

When I go to bed I fall asleep instantaneously.

--mm

Day Fifty-Two (UPDATED)

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

The first thing I do in the morning is look for Kitten Lady. I settle down in our favorite Starbucks hoping she might turn up. When she does she's crying. She asks me to sit with the kitten outside while she uses the bathroom. I do and wait for her to come out. She finally sits down next to me and cries.

"I can't be friends with you anymore."
I don't say anything but wait for whatever she has to say.
"I'm such a bad influence on you. I do so many bad things and bring you around all these horrible people. You never stole before and now you've started stealing things."
"I stole cat food and a water. That's like $2."
She snorts and keeps going, "But you're worth so much more than this and you're not doing anything with your life because you're hanging out with me. And I bring you around drugs and you've gotten poked with my rigs and..."

She rattles off on all the things she thinks she does to me that hurts me and my potential. I brush them off like the dirt on my jeans. To me these things mean nothing. I grew up around these things as a kid. I have never been tempted to use drugs because of her. She has told me even if I asked she would not let me. I have done nothing that I think upsets my code of ethics or morality.

"Last night was so horrible. I don't want to hang out with S anymore. It was so scary."

She tells me that S tried to get her to suck dick for dope but she refused because she wants to remain faithful to Houdini and keep her dignity. S then called her boring and went off and did it by herself. Then, they ran into a guy who tried to get them to get in his car. S was going to do it but KL refused. When the guy had to move because of a car behind him they saw what they believe was a dead body hit the dashboard. Time stopped for a few seconds then the guy sped off. KL pepper sprayed the car and the two of them ran away.

"I didn't even get to pepper spray him in the face." She wails.
I can't help it. I laugh. Then, she laughs. Then we are all back to normal again.

She wants milk. I know where we can get some for free but it's not ideal. I take her to the First Unitarian Church where services have just ended. We slip into their coffee hour and fill our cup to the top with the milk they set out for coffee. Doing so I see my former roommate and several other people I know. My stomach turns. I point her out to KL and find I have to hold her back from confronting her. "She's not worth it," I say, "You're better than that." I drag her out and walk away glad to put the church behind me without being spotted.

It's hard to see my roommate again. She had been a dear friend to me when  I moved in with her. I did housework to cover rent and became sincerely attached to her and her family as they helped me through my illness. I would leave her notes and little surprises in the kitchen like chocolates telling her how much I appreciated her. Even living with a toddler I did my best to keep her house organized and tidy, often putting in the amount I would for a full time job. I cared deeply for her son, sister, niece, nephew and her family.

She emailed me kicking me out when I was in Alabama. Her reason? She didn't like my cat. She told me she thought of me as "family" while she did this. Of all the things about the situation that's what I think is the most unfair. How are you going to kick someone to the curb and write them off like that but use the word "family"? When I pointed out that kicking someone out via email when they are on the opposite side of the country is cruel and illegal (no thirty days notice) she told me that she could not handle my level of ingratitude for how she had helped me while I was ill and how I was still indebted to her. She then proceeded to tell me how done with me she was.

Some family eh?

I haven't seen her since March when I left for the south. Seeing her standing there laughing with people who used to be my friends, oblivious and uncaring to what she has done to me is frustrating. It makes me want to shake her and tell her how wrong she is but I try not to think about it too much. It is a matter of ignorance and greed and I refuse to give her or anyone for that matter the satisfaction of thinking they have won. I may be in a pretty fucked up situation right now but I'm going to use it for good things later. I can only go up from here.

We go to get breakfast at Day Program #1 for the first time since our ban. I turn in 5 grievance reports. She naps outside for awhile to make up for the sleep she didn't get the night before. She meets with Beard Man and asks him for a movie ticket and a Fred Meyer card so she can get something to drink. He says he won't give it to her because she will sell it. I ask her if that's what she intended to do. She tells me she honestly wanted it for water and to see a movie. I'm disappointed in this. How can they say they don't judge her when they won't even help her get something to drink in fear she'll sell it for dope?

After this is done we go to the library. She says she's going to be right outside to spange while I work on the computer. Houdini comes in and asks if I know where she is. I tell him she's outside and he goes to find her. The library closes so I head back to day services to get dinner and see the doctor. The doctor hesitantly prescribes me Oxy to get me through this period. She insists that she is going on a limb for this as no other doctor in the clinic would prescribe it especially since I am with KL all the time. I find it disappointing that my friendship makes doctors skeptical of me when she has never once asked me for my prescriptions when she knows I have them.

Houdini still hasn't found her so we go out together to try and find her. In all of our spots there is no sign of her. In the end we go to McDonalds where we know she will show up if she can. Houdini waits until 9:30pm. She doesn't show. I'm surprisingly unworried. I figure we've found her so many times before finding her this time shouldn't be a concern. He says he thinks she is arrested or dead. I shrug. I can't do anything right away anyways.

Houdini asks if he can do the dishes since I'm signed up for them. I give them to him since I have a headache and just want to relax instead. Flippy Hair Guy is in tonight and accidentally tells me he saw KL after dinner at Pioneer Square. This means she was probably looking for dope. I do worry that she was picked up by an undercover cop or something of that nature but I push it aside and assume she is safe. I go to bed fairly early but have a hard time staying asleep.

--mm

Day Fifty-One

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

We wake first to a girl coming to sit at one of our picnic tables to shoot up then to a police officer. I've never liked police officers but I fear them more now than I ever have. I look up at him blinking, hoping that he doesn't arrest us or think we are with the girl shooting up. 

"You guys are getting ready to leave right?" he asks us. 
"Yes," we both say sleepily. 
"Okay. Thank you."

The officer leaves. We are both surprised at this. Police officers in Portland are not nice to homeless people. I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster we got the one tolerant police officer to wake us up. We pack up our belongings and head out. I'm in a lot of pain.  I have issues with my right ovary and as such I'm supposed to stay with hormones constantly in my system so that I don't have periods. It's also why I take Cymbalta as it does wonders for chronic pain.  If I mess the hormones up I have the period from Hell. It's like being punched in the stomach while a big black guy squeezes my ovary at the same time.

I'm having a hard time moving from this conundrum and there's nowhere for us to be until 1pm. We go to Starbucks where the guy who had been following us the night before magically appears.  He lingers and we can't seem to get rid of him. Finally he slips outside for a smoke so we grab our stuff and run out the other door and get on the max train. We keep watching over our shoulder for him to follow us until the max finally starts to move.

We go to a different Starbucks where I buy us both drinks since it's one of the ones that only allows paying customers to sit. These little purchases are draining my bank account but I hardly see a way around them. We loiter there so we can charge my laptop and phone. We notice a homeless guy with a black kitten outside. We rush out to introduce Tweak to the cat. They sniff around each other in circles. Tweak lays down and vibrates.

"Is she a street cat too?" the guy asks.
We nod.

How the kitten fell asleep in Starbucks.

We leave shortly after the cats interact. Kitten Lady asks two black ladies if she can sing them a song for a dollar. The ladies begin screaming at her, the usual obscenities we hear for being homeless. They even follow us just to continue berating us for being unable to put a roof over our heads.
"I'd do it for your daughter," KL yells back.
"Does that make you feel good about yourselves?" I ask them, "Beating down a little eighteen year old really makes you feel big and tough? She's probably younger than your daughter and you are cussing her out just for asking if she can sing you a song? What's your problem?"

I am at my wits end with all of this so I just about run to Day Program #2. The Mexican boy who called KL a junkie is stalking the door. I ring the buzzer while he tries to taunt me. Much to my dismay the Spanish staff guy answers the door.
"I need to come inside," I demand, "I am in a lot of pain and I've been being harassed since ten o'clock last night. So help me God I need to sit down somewhere no one is going to bother me."
The guy looks at me like he doesn't know what to do. The Mexican boy keeps running his mouth.
"And he needs to shut the fuck up." I yell.
The guy lets me in as long as I promise to just sit there.

I take the couch and pass out. He wakes me up for lunch but I refuse to move until KL walks by with a brownie. She gives me hers which gives me just enough strength to walk to the kitchen to get some food. They have large, juicy burgers and brownies. S walks with me up to the counter and gets a brownie. I get my burger and ask, "Can I have two brownies? I'm on my period." So, they give me two brownies and S gives me hers. In total I eat four brownies before I go right back to sleep.

I don't wake up for dinner. They try but I refuse. A few fights break out so they close day services early to break them all up. They warn everyone that they are calling the police so we scatter like ants in a smashed ant hill. We go back to the food court because S and KL want to spange. I walk to Powell's to pee and find every fountain on the way is turned off. Inside the store they have taped off all the water fountains with a notice that says there was e coli found in the water so all of west side is out of public water. There is nothing for homeless people to drink.

I go back and lay down on one of the picnic tables. It's hot and sticky and there's no water. I didn't drink anything at Day Program #2 since I was too busy sleeping to do so. I'm pretty fucked. After about an hour or two I get up and tell KL I want to leave to find an air conditioned place to sit. She tells me to wait and I say back, "Please, I'm in a lot of pain."

"Then go walk there by yourself." She tells me.

So, I do. I go to Whole Foods to sit and use their internet for a little bit before shelter opens. I can hardly concentrate because I'm so thirsty and in so much pain. At 8pm I head toward shelter. I look for KL because I need to give her my phone and sleeping bag for tonight. I find her behind McDonalds because I can see the kitten sitting off to the side. When I approach she asks me if I'm okay. I feel like my ovary is about to burst through my skin.

"No, I'm not okay." I say.
"What's wrong?" Her voice is short.
"In all the time we've been friends how often have you been sick? And have I ever left your side?"
She starts yelling at me and I'm honest to God blindsided. She keeps screaming and ranting saying I'm mean to her and I tell her that I have no idea what she's talking about and she just keeps going. "I completely understand why Jesus said fuck you to you. You're so mean."
I don't even know what's going on so I walk away. I give Houdini the sleeping bag and cell phone to give to KL so she can be warm and safe sleeping outside, at least hopefully.

I go to shelter and buzz up asking them if there is any way I can get water. One of the staff brings down a cup of water for me. I find S and ask her what is going on with KL. She says she doesn't know. When she sees I have water she grabs it out of my hand and dumps it out.
"Why the fuck did you do that?" I yell.
"I don't want you to e coli."
"It's clean dumb ass. They brought it down from the cooler for me."
"Oh. My bad."

I want to cry. I just wanted water. I walk to Fred Meyer to try and find some but they have completely sold out of every form of water. They've shut down the soda fountain. Not a single water bottle remains to be sold. It's all gone. I look at the empty aisle parched and I desperately open a bottle of flavored water and dump it into my empty cup. I spill the drink I'm shaking so much and it splashes down at my feet. An older couple who are shopping in the aisle stare but I'm so desperate I don't care. I run out of the store and drink the cup down in one swift drink.

It's time to go into shelter. I get in line and ask Houdini if he knows what's going on with KL.
"She told me to tell you she loves you and goodnight. She's sitting across the street go talk to her."
"I can't," I say, "I just can't take anymore. I don't want to fight with anyone. I just can't take it."
"She's not going to scream she just wants to talk to you."
I buzz myself up and run inside.

Once I get inside and safely showered and sitting up in bed I regret my haste in going upstairs. I know better than anyone that anything can happen to KL while she is sleeping outside. As a young child I was always taught that you should never go to bed angry with someone. I was told that the anger you feel can fester and grow over night and you shouldn't leave things unresolved. You never know when you may lose someone. I wish I could just run downstairs and settle things but KL and S have long since left and I'm stuck in shelter. I cross my fingers in hope she remains safe throughout the night.

--mm

Day Fifty

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

At 12am Tweak's tail flicks. A flick and another flick and she's up watching it. She goes to catch it, almost gets it but it flicks away. Soon she's running in a circle chasing her tail until she becomes dizzy and falls off the bunk bed. Thunk. Oops.

She decides it must be time to adventure out. She walks throughout shelter seeing all the wonderful and exciting things she doesn't get to see when she is locked inside the evil backpack. She wanders into the common area and finds a big black couch that looks good for climbing. She tries to pull herself up, falls, tries again. Eventually she pulls herself up the slick back couch.

She explores the couch until she sees the damn tail again and starts chasing after it. After an hour of chasing the evil tail she notices a big bald head next to her. Oh shit. She does not appreciate being caught in the act of being a cute criminal. The big head laughs and angry at giving him the satisfaction of seeing her cute criminal act Tweak jumps down and runs away.

She hides so the big bald head can't find her again. He goes into the dorm and looks under the beds until he wakes Tweak's Mama up.

“What the hell are you doing?” She asks him.

“I can't find your cat.”

“I don't have a cat.”

“Yes, you do. I can't find her. I won't kick you out tonight just help me find her.”

Tweak is found by her Mama. Crap. She was having a blast being criminal. Mama sets Tweak on the bed. Mama goes off to go talk to the bald headed guy.

“I let her run around for like an hour because she was chasing her tail on the couch. She stopped because I started watching her but it was really cute.”

“It is really cute isn't it?” Mama asks the bald headed guy.

“Yeah. I'm really sorry you have to get in trouble for this but it'll be a week or more this time. I'm really sorry that was really cute.”

Tweak doesn't like this so she starts to scream. “RAWR. RAWR.” She's so loud she wakes the girl across from Mama up.

“She sounds like a dying child.” The bald head says.

Mama comes and picks up Tweak and calls her a dumbass before going back to bed.

Tweak sleeping on her mama's neck.

--

In the morning I see four police officers frisking one of our boys at the max stop. They surround him in a circle as if they need to keep him trapped between them. He is simply sitting there, not fighting, nothing. As far as I know he is a mellow guy. I don't even know his name but I have never seen him involved in any drama at all. I find it hard to believe four police officers to frisk him is necessary.

One of the new girls downstairs crosses the street and the cops start screaming at her. All four of them demand she goes over by them. For crossing the street. She hardly looks threatening. If I hadn't watched her come out of shelter I would have guessed she was a student not homeless. I don't wait to see what they are screaming at her for. I turn on my heel and quickly walk the other way before they notice me.

Most of the day is spent with Kitten Lady and Houdini trying to make money by selling books and clothes we got from Day Services #2. I don't even feel scandalous doing it anymore; we need the money. Karma bites us in the ass though because we make a grand total of $2.

In the afternoon I separate from KL and Houdini to go to the rally for Cameron Whitten's 50^th day of hunger striking. I'm nervous about this whole deal. Seeing as First Church's minister Kate Lore will be there to speak people I know may show up. If not there will surely be homeless people I know there. I don't want to be outed. It sounds so terrible but I still don't want people to know I'm homeless nor do I want the other homeless kids to think I think I'm some sort of activist or something. I have enough targets on my back as is.

I feel awkward approaching because to my relief and my un-relief I see no one I know outside of Cameron and Hungry. I stand awkwardly not sure what to do with myself. Cameron is surrounded by journalists. I'm so happy my old newspaper is not covering this one. Yet, I'm unhappy because if I was still a journalist I would write the shit out of that story. I find Hungry running to hide under Cameron's chair and call her to me. She comes and I pet her.

“How are you?” I ask Cameron, “Hungry looks good.”

“I can't complain.” he answers and smiles.

Can't complain? Fifty days without food and not a single complaint? Hungry gets as much attention as she desires from all the spectators and protesters then burrows herself under Cameron's chair. We get up and walk over to the park where the rally will be held. Compared to movements like Occupy it's a small crowd but when you consider who this protest is for, the invisible people of society, it's a good turn out. People hold banners from different organizations that work with the homeless community. Others hold handmade signs that say things such as:

Right to sit, lie, shelter.

How would you look if you had to carry your belongings and everything you own with you everyday?

We have a right to live.

Sleep is a human right.

Sleep is necessary for survival, physical and mental health.

I take a seat on a step and play with my tangle a good friend sent me. I wait for things to get started people watching. Pretty much everyone in the crowd is homeless. There are a few outside supporters but very few. I'm saddened by this. We need the community's support. Yet, everyone in the crowd seems to be there for a genuine reason, not just drunks and hippies showing up to fight just to fight. There is one drunk who at some point steals the microphone but for a rally for the homeless population it's pleasantly sober.

I worried that the messages would be unrealistic and demanding. One of the speaker is as he demands the crowd to start “taking” empty houses on their own. Kate Lore's face when he speaks is a mixture of confusion, disagreement and trying very hard to keep her opinions to herself. She's never been my favorite speaker. Mostly because she has really awkward pauses when she preaches, can't pronounce the word “us” and she clicks her tongue after every sentence which is one of my biggest pet peeves. Most of the speakers aren't really public speakers in the first place though and Lore's talk is actually very good when you look past the pronunciation of the word “uz”.

“People say that a hunger strike is irrational. To that I say yes it is but it is absolutely necessary. Is it rational to ask people to live without sleep? Is it rational to tell people they cannot protect themselves from rain? Is it rational to kick people out of their homes? Is it rational to sweep people out from under the bridges and leave them without anywhere to go? Is it rational to leave people without bathrooms?”

Obviously, none of this is rational. The requests being made are so simplistic it makes little sense to me that the city will not listen to them. Even more concerning is that many of them are just basic constitutional rights. I know the majority of you live outside of Portland so I'll explain the laws and reasoning behind each request:

1. The right to property as protected by the Constitution. Currently, it is the law in Portland that you may not have your property next to you on the sidewalk for more than two hours. They offer no other place for homeless people to store their belongings so they have essentially outlawed all the belongings of homeless people in the area. Obviously, this isn't something I blog about as I don't run into this issue as shelter and day services both provide lockers but adults are not so lucky. For this they brought out a shelf and a collection of green bins. They said they are hijacking a parking spot in the area and staying there to store people's belongings and create a self-monitored safe place to keep belongings so people won't have to carry them all day or get in trouble with the police for having them.
2. The right to “camp”. Camping is sort of a loose term in Portland. If you cover yourself with a blanket anywhere in the city it is considered “camping”. Any sort of tarp, sleeping bag or blanket you use to cover yourself is considered camping supplies. Camping is banned within the city. This means it is illegal for homeless people to sleep with any sort of cover whatsoever. This is something I've briefly mentioned before. It affects me when I'm sleeping outside or when I am not feeling well and want to nap. I find it hard to sleep without even a sheet covering me and it's such a petty, discriminating law.
3. The right to sleep and to sleep together in groups. Basically, what this boils down to is the right to safe sleep. This relates to R2D2 which I will get to in a minute. Right now just about anywhere safe you can sleep the police can/will come and wake you up and tell you to leave. Police are forcing people to sleep in the shadows where they cannot be seen. This forces unsafe sleeping conditions and puts people more at risk for rape, theft, murder, etc. The speakers requested the ability for people to sleep together in the light where they will be safer as a self regulated community.
4. To stop the fines on R2D2. R2D2 stands for 'Right to Dream too'. It is a tent community in an empty lot in the city. There are beautifully painted doors that create a wall between the tents and the pedestrians to give people privacy. It is a self regulated, safe place to sleep. I have never stayed there myself but I have always known of it and respected it. Right now the city is fining them $2000 a month in an attempt to shut it down. I haven't fully researched this issue yet but the request is that the city lets it continue to function as it has for years. It has been there for as long as I've lived in Portland, so at least three years and many look to it as a safe place to sleep as a community and look out for one another.
5. The right to erect structures. This one sounds a bit more complex than it actually is. Right now it is unlawful to “erect a structure” in the city. On the surface that sounds like a reasonable request. However, a “structure” counts as hanging a tarp over your belongings or over a shopping cart or bench or box or anything to protect yourself from the rain. You cannot make anything to protect yourself from the elements in Portland. One guy that spoke said he has to go to a court date for putting a tarp over two boxes to keep himself dry. They aren't talking about building sky scrapers or taking over with “structures”. They just want to have the ability to keep themselves dry in a city that always rains.
6. No separate courts. I'm not sure on this one as I hadn't heard about it before and I haven't had time to research it. However, from my limited understanding there was a proposal to set up a separate court for homeless people. I believe the idea was to pick a day for all the homeless people who have to go to court. Obviously, if this was talked about or done that's blatant segregation which is definitely illegal thanks to Dr. Martin Luther King. Like I said I don't know anything about that but I do intend to do further research on the subject.
7. To have more public bathrooms so people will no longer be forced to pee on the streets. This is something I've never noticed before but there is an extreme lack of public bathrooms of Portland. It really is a problem that I've run into many times. I remember in the tenth grade my Biology teacher had told the class that we were fortunate enough to live in a country that is so rich we would never have to poop on the side of the road. He told us how in third world countries there aren't enough sanitary bathrooms so people are stuck having to poop on the side of the road but that never happens in America. He was a good Biology teacher (an excellent one in fact. He was one of my best mentors to date.) but he was very wrong on this subject. While I personally have been fortunate enough to not run into this issue I have seen it happen. KL had to poop in a cup and throw it out when we slept on the roof of the church a few weeks ago because there was no public bathroom close enough. (It would have been a twenty minute walk to get to any bathroom and she was sick from Methadone withdrawals.) She has told me that she has had to poop outside on other occasions as well. It seems absolutely ridiculous that this is happening when it not necessary to have such a lack of bathrooms. The number one argument I hear against putting up more bathrooms is that homeless people will use them and possibly get high in them. So, the only other solution is to make them poop on the street? I find it hard to believe there is no middle ground.
8. The right to use the resources of private businesses to sustain oneself. This of course relates to the lack of public bathrooms but it also means being able to access places to sit, to rest and for water. I'm iffy on this one. I believe that private businesses should be so kind as to be helpful in these matters when they can be. I think all people should do those things. My fear is that requiring businesses to do so affects their rights and their ability to run a profitable business. Not all homeless people are clean and respectable. Many are disruptive, drunk, nasty. If businesses no longer have the right to refuse service to anyone how do they handle the homeless people, or any customer for that manner that is negatively affecting the business. Also, people falling asleep in the middle of a private business can reflect badly on the company. Even I have done this many times when I have been much too drained. So while I think this is an excellent idea I think it needs to be more thought out so that both groups have their rights respected.
9. To move people into empty houses. For every homeless person there are roughly 22-24 vacant houses. Homes that have been foreclosed on tend to sit and rot. It only makes sense to start putting people into the homes instead of letting them just sit there. Once again I agree with this but it needs more thought behind it. I don't think the city has the ability to just give out houses. I know nothing about selling houses or foreclosure so I'm not even going to pretend I know what I'm talking about but I do think we should start doing something with empty houses. I think there should be some requirements to get into those houses just like transitional housing in Jaunas Youth requires “Productive Time”. It doesn't make sense to have them just sitting there so they should be used in some manner but I doubt they can just be given out like candy.
10. So, this is another thing I had no idea existed before and need to research. One of the speakers said that there is a law that has passed or is proposed to the state of Oregon to prevent police brutality. It has not gone into effect in Portland because the top police officer people (once again need to research) keep stopping it. The law states that if a police officer is beating/using dangerous or deadly force against someone who is restrained or otherwise not fighting the other officers on the scene are to arrest the perpetrating officer immediately. From my limited understanding on this one I am all for it.
11. The right to live. This one may sound dramatic but it comes from an honest place. The discriminatory laws in Portland make it impossible to legally sleep, protect oneself and thrive. We just want to sleep and live in peace.

There was talk of undercover cops at the rally. There were three officers in attendance. To them a Muslim speaker said, “There's a reason Muslims don't eat pork.” People cheered. People had brought bicycles to be part of the bicycle swarm should it become necessary. The idea was to prevent the police brutality we experienced at Occupy Portland the bikers would ride around the protesters to act as a moving barrier between police officers and the citizens should it become necessary. Genius huh?

There was no brutality however. Everything was peaceful besides a mayoral candidate almost getting booed off the microphone. They advertised having a sleep over at city hall that night. I helped the kids who came from the video internship being run by the Guerrilla Theater program carry their belongings. They interviewed Cameron for the tape. As we waited for him a woman pulled him aside to talk to him on the steps. They looked like they were praying and Cameron was crying. It was actually a rather beautiful moment and I was jealous of the journalist who snapped a picture of that moment. I miss my journalism.

After the rally I went to find KL. I had already decided I was sleeping outside with her but decided to see if she'd be willing to go down to City Hall with me so we could see what was going on with the sleepover. She agreed to it though she wasn't thrilled with the idea.

When we passed my sleeping spot we found two police officers standing guard there. One of which has arrested KL before. She grabbed my elbow and dragged me the wrong direction down a one way. We both thought they were standing guard because of our escapade up there before but I noticed a bunch of film equipment they were watching. Gotta love summer. Tourist and movie filming season. Just another thing to take up the safe places we try to sleep in.

We get to City Hall and find a tiny white lady screaming in the face of a huge, homeless black guy. I want to just walk past by KL doesn't. She tries to butt in but people scream over top of her. I don't have a fucking clue what she is trying to do so I pull on her arm trying to get her to leave it alone. The lady runs and gets into a taxi cab but the homeless people continue yelling.

“I was trying to help you guys out.” She yells at them, “If you would have just shut up. I was on your side.”

This creates a screaming match of epic proportions. We are followed and eventually surrounded by men. I do not like this one bit. Some guy asks me how old we are so I tell him we are 18 and 21. “How old are you really?”

“18 and 21.”

“I've worked in a bar for many years. There's no way you are 21.”

“Wanna bet? I'm a day older than Cameron you dumbass.” I'm nervous about how many people are crowding us. KL holds the pepper spray. I yank out my ID and show it to him. I don't even understand what our ages have to do with this. The guy looks at the ID and inspects it. He can't even say anything he looks so stupid and hands it back to me.

“Stop crowding around us.” I scream, “You need to back the fuck up. I do not like being crowded like this. Some guy keeps following us until I threaten to pepper spray him if he doesn't back the fuck up.

I tell KL I want to walk back around and just say hi to Cameron and explain why we aren't staying. KL doesn't want me to tell him why we are leaving. “You don't always have to prove a point.” She says.

“Yes I do.”

“Fine, give me the blankets then. I'm not going to go over there. You shouldn't tell him what happened. Just say hello and goodbye. Otherwise I'm going.”

“Fine. Here you go. Where do you want to meet?”

Her mouth drops open and she just stands there. I walk off to talk to Cameron. I shake his hand and say, “We came out to try and show our support but the moment we came down here we got attacked so we aren't staying but know we are with you.”

Then I leave.

KL tells me she thought I would have listened to her when she refused to go with.

“What were you smoking?”

“I don't know. I have no idea why I thought that. I should have gone. That's not safe to have you go by yourself. I'm sorry.”

“It was just two seconds. You didn't go anywhere.” I say. I knew she wouldn't leave me like that.

We go and wait for the max to take us to KL's sleeping spot since mine is unattainable. Some guy starts talking to us overly enthusiastically. He is giving both of us the creeps as he's asking our ages in a way that suggest are you legal?. He is talking about his drug use and other variations of things inappropriate to say to someone young enough to be your child.

We finally seem to lose him and make our way to KL's sleeping spot. We lay the blankets down and get things together for us to sleep. The portable toilets are locked so when I need to change my pad I have to wrap a blanket around my waist to change. I go to the dumpster to throw it out and KL yells, “Don't talk to anyone.” I'm already talking to a group that sleep by the dumpster. “Oops.”

We eat snacks and joke around. KL asks me about the blog. She asks if I talk about her shooting up or the naughtier things I partake in when I hang out with her. I tell her yes. She gets upset about this as she doesn't want people to know. I explain I change her name and that no one judges her for it. I tell her the friend that sent her a letter and money knew and still sent her the letter. I tell her my friend Bunny has a care package for her and she knows.

“They know and they still send stuff?” she asks me.

“Yeah.” I say.

“Why?”

I shrug, “I don't know. They just don't care. We all have our fucked up shit too.”

This is a new thing for her. She cannot believe that people will still care even when they know she isn't perfect. I think she believes she is defined by her addiction. Yet, when I think about her the heroin is the last thing I think about. I tell her she can read the blog and I'll pull down anything she wants gone. She reads some from my phone but so far has not asked me to take anything down but did call to my attention that now that there is more readership I should make the places we go more obscure. She's right in this so I have a lot of editing to do here in the near future.

We go to sleep after filling up on candy and what not. I'm cold but we both fall asleep. At about midnight we are woken up by tweakers. KL knows them and they start taunting her saying that Houdini beats her, drowned her cat, all kinds of nonsense trying to start trouble. They jump from table to table over us. The guy says it would be funny if he jumped down and smashed KL's face. She wants to fight back but I whisper for her not to. There is no way we could win a fight verses a bunch of tweakers.

Eventually they leave so we can go back to sleep but it sincerely feels like the longest hour of my life when they were bothering us. I don't know what I would have done had they kept on or wanted to fight. We did not have the upper hand on that one. We continue to get woken up many times throughout the night making for a very bad day.

--mm