Day Forty-Seven

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

Day 47 was apparently so boring that now that it is Day 48 I cannot for the life of me remember what we did. During morning chores the staff lady makes me clean the bathroom mirror three times. When she tries to make me go back and do it again a fourth time I refuse telling her to take a nonuse. She continues to carry on, saying she's going to take a picture of the mirror and show it to Director Lady so she can know I'm incompetent at cleaning mirrors. I tell her go right ahead and grab a grievance report.

We go to breakfast at #2. Their breakfast is not nearly as good as #1's but seeing as it is #2 or starve we go. Both Kitten Lady and I are exhausted for no real reason. We go into #2's computer lab where we sleep on the floor. Some staff guy comes in and started kicking people out saying only those working on their GED can stay.

"Do you girls want to work on your GED today?" he asks us.
I am actually really offended by this. I may be homeless but I graduated high school thank you very much.

We roll over and get up, irritated. We go to the library where KL goes out to spange and look for a cigarette. I stay until lunch. She was supposed to come back to the library but I figure she just went to #2 instead of coming back when I don't see her.

I figured right and find her sitting outside of #2 smoking a cigarette. We grab lunch; hamburgers on hot dog buns. I feed the kitten some of the cheese off of my burger and she eats it as if we've been starving her. We have now found the kitten's  dietary habits: pistachio ice cream and cheese. We go to Fred Meyer where I work on writing grievance reports while KL eats Captain Crunch and we share some cookie dough. We leave to sit at the benches by the Dollar Tree before heading back to #2 for dinner.

It's a fully edible day at #2 today. Dinner is spaghetti. They open the clothing closet and some guy tips us off that they have new stuff. I snag two shirts and a pair of really cute blue jeans. #2 closes so we go to the library. The kitten lays across my arm and manages to poop on me. She  does get a turd directly in my hoodie pocket which is pretty nifty I guess.

KL grabs napkins so we can get the poop out of her fur before we go into the library. We then hide her in KL's sweat pants and go to the third floor so we can wash the poop off of the kitten and me. The third floor is the literature section so it is rarely used and mostly forgotten about so the bathroom on that floor is usually a pretty good bet if you need to drop a duce or something.

Except, tonight they are having a reception on that floor. Dammit. KL steals some juice from the reception. I change into the clothes from the clothing closet. I have to jump up and down to get the jeans on as I am definitely getting fat from being homeless. Once they are on though I love them. I just need to lay off the cookie dough bad.

We go to use computers and KL decides she wants to spange. She comes up several times asking me if Houdini has called. He hasn't. She is supposed to stay right outside the library so I can find her when it closes or vice versa. I had promised not to leave until she came back. It gets close to closing time so I sit outside the library and read swinging my feet and listening to music.

Nazi Man comes out of the library, "Go get a job." I yell at him and he laughs, keeps walking. The security guards close the library gates. No KL. I walk to the fountain. She's not there. She's not at McDonalds or Fred Meyer or the benches outside the Dollar Tree. Nowhere. I become frantic and ask everyone I know if they've seen her. No one has. No Houdini either. I know that if they're both gone they're probably together. But, I can't help but worry since she seemingly disappeared without a trace in front of the library.

I ask Nazi Man several times if he has seen her. He keeps saying he cannot disclose information about other guests. It's true that's a big rule of confidentiality. I ask him to ask her if he can tell me she's safe. "The last time she disappeared on me she was kidnapped."
"Well, relaying information from her isn't going to help her if she's kidnapped."
"It helps me. It helps my peace of mind."

I ask him several times if he asked her; if he's seen her.
"If I saw her I would ask her," he says. I now know she's not upstairs. She's nowhere.

I go upstairs because I don't know what else to do. Finally, at 10pm Houdini comes in. I ask him where KL is and he says she is downstairs. He tells me they went to her aunt's house. I tell him never to leave like that on me when I think she's right outside ever again. He apologizes. He promises me she got upstairs safely. About five minutes later a boy comes up to the staff desk and says there's someone screaming up to the boy's dorm for Houdini. Fuck. I find Houdini in the movie room and tell him KL is stuck outside. I ask him to go out with her.

"Why don't you do it? I hate sleeping outside."

I'm torn on what to do. By this point she is gone. Even though I know her spots there is no guarantee I'll find her. If I'm stuck sleeping outside by myself I don't think I can pull myself over the wall. My legs are too short to reach the fence. I need a boost. Where will I sleep if I don't find her? I've already taken my sleeping pill. I have 45 minutes tops before it kicks in and I'm out. Fuck.

I doubt I even need to tell you what I decided to do. It's not even a hard decision. I don't want to go out but I won't sleep not knowing where she is. I go into my locker and rip out my sleeping bag and three hooded sweatshirts. Houdini gives me a blanket. I get my cell phone back and rush out the door. I need to hurry before I lose her.

I go to my spot first and yell up. No response. I go to her spot. No one. I need to pee and get out of these skin tight jeans so I go to Powells. I change and reorganize things so it's not so hard to carry. I walk several laps between our two spots and still can't find her. I run into two of the boys who stay in downstairs. They say they saw her by shelter but that was an hour ago. They tell me what I already know: downstairs filled up. They agree to help me find her though.

We walk back toward shelter. "The night is like a female," one of the boys says, "Beautiful but scary. You never know what's going to happen." We find another straggler turned away from shelter being full. She joins with us. We start walking toward the high school where they want to stay for the night. One of the guys yells that he found KL. She's sleeping in a parking lot a block from shelter.

"You stupid bitch!" I yell at her, "I've been trying to find you for an hour."

We say goodbye to the other kids and both groups wish each other luck for the night.  Another street kid had given KL a sleeping bag for the night. We pack up and go to our spot. Now that I've found KL I'm actually looking forward to sleeping out. We have stuff to keep us warm so it'll be comfortable and it's a beautiful night. We both miss being with each other in shelter. She boosts me up to the spot and I take the bags and kitten. Little Miss Tweak is excited about sleeping outside. That cat loves being a criminal.

Once we are over the wall we unzip both sleeping bags. We lay the puffy one the street kid loaned KL out flat to lay on, to cushion us from the cement. Then we huddle together under the fleece one. We both wear sweat pants and hoodies. It's warm out tonight too so it should be a comfortable night.

Except the weather ends up being the only comfortable thing about it. We hear the gates unlock and banging in the storage room underneath us. Our hearts race. I can feel every heart beat in every part of my body. We lay with our backs touching, holding our breath. What will happen if we are caught? Will we be arrested? Will they laugh and forget it? Will they even make the effort to climb the wall and find us? Will they pepper spray us if we try to run? Should we pepper spray them to get away? What the fuck do we do? I hear the beeps that sounds like the walkie talkies of police men. I hear someone say, "There were two of them." I am certain we are going to die.

We don't die though. Even if the police were called on us or someone saw us they don't find us. I think they think we jumped the wall to sleep somewhere inside the church courtyard. Either that or they think they hallucinated us. Or they just don't care enough to jump the wall and find us. I don't think the top of the wall would be my first guess if I worked in the church. We aren't discovered. We stay with our backs touching and sleep better than we would in shelter.

--mm