My older brother was an Eminem fanatic when I was growing up and I remember listening to the following song and dreaming of the day I could settle the score with my own mother the way Eminem did, just probably through a different medium. ;)
I didn't come on here today to fight with my childhood though. I want to honor a mom that probably won't get the recognition she deserves; not because she is undervalued but because she is prized by people who have a hard time being vulnerable enough to express genuine gratitude.
Maybe my biological mother was a failure but there have been other "mom"s who have come through for me. One of which has been a mom to me for the past year.
There's a staff at #1, whom I don't even know what her job is exactly. I don't know if anyone does actually. My guess is that she's part of the drug program but it doesn't really matter. We all just call her "Mom". Regardless of what the job description on her paycheck is; that is the job she does for us. She's probably the only day program staff I genuinely miss on a regular basis.
I remember last summer she talked about her daughter getting married. I interrupted her almost immediately and said, "You have kids? Outside of us?"
I felt like she was cheating on us but I guess all that mothering had to come from somewhere.
She's about my size, so pretty stinking tiny, but she breaks up fights on a regular basis. She does this by asking the youth if they want to go smoke a cigarette with her. It's explicitly forbidden for staff to offer cigarettes to youth but she says if it's to break up a fight who cares? No street kid turns down a free smoke and she says it gives them time to vent to her and cool down. It works almost every time.
When I was torn up about how KL was missing she was the only staff to express concern and not tell me to "just move on". She is the one street kids go to when we really need to say what's going on in our lives. Hugs are scarce within street culture. And youth just plain don't hug staff. Usually, physical contact between staff and youth doesn't go beyond fist bumps or high fives. I personally loathe hugs. We all hug Mom. Even more remarkable is that the youth initiate the hugs, not her.
On Thursday I went to the clinic because I honest to God thought I was going to die. Mom was there so I yelled to get her attention. I called her by her first name to which she responded, "Who just called me that?" She asked why I looked so sick and felt my forehead saying, "You're burning up. You need to go to bed. No work for a few days." Then she yelled at me for sitting next to her while she was smoking.
Street kids are not used to maternal care but I think more than anyone we need it. I can't imagine making it through the streets without having a mom. The encouragement, the guidance, and most importantly: the comfort is so essential to surviving in such a difficult lifestyle.
Being a mother has nothing to do with giving birth and everything to do with investing your time, energy, and love into a child. I'm thankful for my downtown Portland mom and all the other "mom"s I've had step up when my own mother failed. I consider myself fortunate to have so many wonderful women in my life to model myself after.
--MM
