Day Forty-One

     ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS***** 

We wake up before 6am because of the cold. In t-shirts the cement is so cold it reaches our bones. Kitten Lady has been without her Methadone dose for two days now and she's starting to feel the withdrawals. Kicking Methadone cold turkey can kill you but she's afraid to see her parole officer so she can continue to dose and her clinic has completely banned her until she does. One of the most common symptoms of withdrawal is diarrhea which hits her the moment we wake up. We can't exactly jump down and run to a bathroom either. We have our belongings all over the place and the jump down takes a minute to ensure we don't get caught. In the end she has to poop in one of the bowls we brought up last night for our yogurt. Stealing that toilet paper turned out to be a wise decision.

Once the diarrhea fiasco is taken care of we pack up and jump down. At 6am there aren't a lot of places open but we need to get to somewhere warm. I have never been so cold in my life; it is so cold it hurts. It is miserable and unbearable. I hate myself for locking the sleeping bag in my locker instead of keeping it with us. We go to McDonalds and I buy oatmeal and hash browns so we can sit there. We take a table in the corner out of sight from the employees. I lay my head on my arms on the table. In a matter of seconds I am back asleep.

KL shakes me awake an hour or so later, "They're kicking us out."
"They can't do that, I'm a paying customer." I mumble in my sleep.
She laughs at me, "They're kicking us out for sleeping."

It's almost 8am now. We don't know any other place to go at this point besides #1. There are some cardboard boxes sitting out so I pull them up and lay them on the concrete. I lay on them curled in a ball to try and keep myself warm. I fall back asleep.

Drama Girl comes and starts talking to KL. I'm asleep for this exchange but KL told me it went like this:

"There were a lot of new people in shelter. Really pretty girls too."
"Oh," KL really doesn't care.
"I just know Dreadlocks is going to fuck one of them."
"Oh."
"Don't you worry about Houdini fucking one of them? Especially since you walk around in face masks and stuff?"
"No."

Lazy-eye-doctor-lady wakes us up a little bit later and asks how KL is doing. She explains that the withdrawal issues. LEDL says she can take the first appointment for the day and feels my head to see if I have a fever. She tells me I can come in with KL check in too. We must both really look like hell.

I run upstairs at 9am for breakfast. One of the staff asks me if I'm expecting packages. I tell him that I thought so. He hands me two large boxes sent in. I'm a little surprised with boxers so large. I stack them on top of each other and  get my plate and my oatmeal then grab two bowls out of my locker. The eggs, bacon, hash browns I throw in one of the bowls. The oatmeal I pour into the other. I run downstairs to where KL is waiting to see our doctor. I hand her the eggs and hash browns and bacon and sit down with the oatmeal on the doctor's chair.

I open the boxes and find a giant three pack of contact solution and a giant bag of skittles and starburst. I'm so happy for the contact solution and I tear into the candy bag with my teeth and devour the skittles and starburts with the help of KL. The doctor comes in and prescribes KL a butt load of medication. When she's done with her I ask for refills of my sleeping pills and anxiety meds then tell her, "I woke up with aids again." She laughs and tells me not to joke that way which is advice I ignore. I show her my latest marks which are dark and red and actually kind of look like Mickey Mouse ears which I think is pretty fucking awesome.She says she has no idea what's wrong with me at this point.

After we are done with her we go outside. I lay back down and KL goes to take care of another round of diarrhea. When she comes back out she is sobbing. I jump up and ask her what's wrong. She cries that her body hurts down to her bones. Her stomach hurts. She feels like her guts are going to fall out. She is inconsolable so I just let her throw her fit. I know she needs to get it out of her system. "And where is Houdini?" she wails, "Why isn't he here for this?" She says she's afraid I'm going to hate her when she's going through withdrawals, "You're really not going to want to be around me for the next three weeks."

She's right though. The next three weeks aren't looking pretty. Withdrawing from Methadone takes over a month and it's worse than kicking dope. You can die from it. It's excruciatingly painful. We both did research about it and had a long talk with the doctor about what to expect. Even Nazi Man from shelter told KL she should use some heroin while she's trying to kick it. It's a difficult and terrible drug to come off of. I don't want to go through this. It doesn't sound pleasant. But, once again I never even considered the alternative of ditching her while she goes through this. It didn't even cross my mind until she said it.

"I don't think it's a matter of want to." I say.

We go to the library to do some more research on it. She cries when she reads some of the things that are to be expected. It is medically discouraged to drop cold turkey like she is being forced to. Honestly, I'm not the one going through it but reading some of the medical jargon I falter. It scares me.

We go to OI for lunch so I can try and find my case manager and so we can get some shit taken care of with Beard Man. KL gets in touch with an old friend of her father's. She calls him from my phone and is sobbing before she's halfway through with the call. I ask Beard Man for the things we need done. Her warrant check, clothing vouchers, etc. We decide to go clothes shopping tomorrow. He tells me she can come back into OI at lunch tomorrow. We go to Nafy because Houdini says the staff there won't recognize KL.

I grab the couch while KL goes to the bathroom. I tell myself I'm holding the spot for KL but I pass out before she's done. Some idiot staff man keeps pounding on the couch to wake me and the other guy sleeping up. Nafy are really rude when it comes to people sleeping during drop in hours. Finally when I've had enough I start yelling back at him, "You got to sleep in a bed last night. I had to sleep on concrete. No shit I'm tired so leave me the fuck alone God dammit."

"I wasn't even talking to you," the staff guy says, "I was talking to the boys."
"I don't fucking care shut the fuck up and stop banging on my couch!"

KL laughs hysterically at me and I fall back asleep. This time I either remain undisturbed or sleep through all the other wake up calls. I get up when Nafy closes and we go to Fred Meyer so we can eat. I force feed KL yogurt and granola and she willfully takes some cookie dough. I force her to drink water. She doesn't want to eat or drink as she says, "It's all coming out my ass anyways." I tell her she needs to anyways since I said so and the doctor said so. We go to the Dollar Tree when it gets close for shelter time. I buy a storage container for the snacks I was sent and a magnetic pen case for my pens and pencils so they can hang in my locker.

KL gets up without a problem tonight which is much to my relief as I can't stay out two nights in a row. Houdini and I go up and I clean my locker until 9:30pm. At 9:30 on Wednesdays a house meeting is held. It counts as a non-use for doing absolutely nothing so I go. After the meeting I'm not dead on my feet so I agree to do both loads of dishes for Porch Light and Street Light. I eat a plate of nachos then go down to the dishes.

It takes me until about midnight to do the dishes for both shelters. There are a shit ton but I really don't mind it. It is time to be left alone and feel productive. Plus dishes for both shelters count for 3 non-uses. So in one night I've earned 4. That's 4 nights without chores or 4 nights out with KL or 4 late nights or 4 free rule breaking....not to mention my already large stack of non-uses for various other things.

I take a cold shower and go to bed where I pass out the minute my head hits my pillow.

--mm