Day Fifty-Four

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

We promised to meet at Day Program #1 for breakfast because I miss having oatmeal and Kitten Lady and Houdini both need to see the doctor for swollen lumps they've gotten from shooting up. Houdini's whole hand is swollen to the point that he can't make a fist or grip the handles on his bike. Though my case manager has seen me each time we've gone there to eat she hasn't so much as acknowledged my existence. I honestly don't know where I am within case management now but I'm too stubborn to even consider making the first move.

Houdini and Kitten Lady don't show up which means they've slept in. Good for them. I go to the library and hang out on the internet. They find me there and we hang out on our computers until it's time for lunch. We go to #2 for lunch which is burgers on hamburger buns again. They're out of ketchup which is annoying but the burger itself is actually pretty legit and the fries are almost edible.

I call Savior Man and ask if I can come by to get some clothes and see Spencer. He tells me of course I can so I go off telling KL I'll try to get back to #2 before it closes. I take the max and then the bus to Savior Man's apartment. He's only about thirty to forty-five minutes away from downtown depending on which train/route to take. Even though it's a short trip it's still pretty far when you're homeless. I try not to go outside of free rail zone mostly because I can't afford it. Bus fare takes a lot of money if you use it too often. I really don't know what we'll do when the free rail is no more.

When I walk in the door I call for Spencer who runs up and kisses me. I have been a horrible cat mom for abandoning him for so long. I'll be honest, I put off coming to visit Spencer and get clothes because I am embarrassed about what happened when I visited Savior Man the last time with Houdini making a scene and the money disappearing. Whenever Savior Man comes up KL apologizes for Houdini. I sincerely don't want her to feel bad, nor do I even want Houdini to feel bad. I actually really do like Houdini. He has a big heart and I believe he would do almost anything for KL or myself. He just has some pretty apparent faults that can be hard to overlook at first.

Savior Man has never brought up what happened that night besides the night it happened. He has forgotten it and let it go but his roommates have made it clear I'm the only homeless person allowed in the apartment. It's understandable but it's hard and I genuinely feel bad for the whole situation. And I've done what I do best: ignore the situation which results in being a really bad friend and a terrible cat mom.

After showering each other with kisses Spencer doesn't pay much attention to me. I pick him up and I'm surprised to find his weight has doubled. Not even that but he is more long than the length of my whole torso. My cat is almost bigger than me.

“What are you feeding him? Steroids?”

“Just kitty food.”

“Did you take my cat and replace him with a wooly mammoth?”

“I'm sorry M I just wanted a wooly mammoth so bad.”

Spencer as a baby.

Spencer now at one year old.

Savior Man makes us all curry for dinner. He's an excellent cook and it makes me so happy to finally have curry for the first time in a long while. I love me some curry but the stuff they call cury that they occasionally serve in the day program is not real curry.

I go through my suitcases to find some clothing to take to shelter. I grab some of my magnets I bought in Atlanta to hang letters friends have sent to my locker in shelter. I decide since it's my turn to sleep outside with KL I might as well take Spencer for the night as he is having some abandonment issues. Savior Man gives us a ride to the max station despite the fact that his car is falling apart and not perfectly safe to be driving.

We get to the day program shortly before closing. Spencer rides on the back of my backpack with his head on my shoulder. He is feeling opinionated though and hisses, bites, growls. I've had him since he was three days old so this is new for me as in the year he's been alive he's never acted like this. He's so huge that people can't help but comment on him. I like when I walk with him hanging on my shoulder or my backpack. I always find it fun to watch people's reactions to seeing a cat, especially one as large as he is, riding on a backpack. Even better than that is watching as people's faces light up when they see it. They don't even notice I'm homeless. They are just thrilled to see him. At Day Program #2 not even Director Lady can help but comment on the extremely large lion I am carrying around.

We sit at the benches outside of the Dollar Tree. We try to introduce Tweak and Spencer but it doesn't go well. Tweak smacks Spencer because she's a bold little kitten. Then Spencer goes to smack her back. When I go to flick his nose he whacks me and his claw gets stuck in my lip. When it rips out I drop blood everywhere. It looks like my lip is going to need a stitch the gash is so deep and wide. He didn't mean to. He's doubled in size and weight and he usually has his nails clipped. You can tell he feels bad about it.

My lip injury. 

When it comes time I go up into shelter to grab some things we need for the night and drop off the excess stuff. We walk to Safeway where KL's favorite security guard is working. She lets us steal food for the night.

We go to KL's sleeping spot as mine is still being filmed for Grim. We find two guys she considers family and they get to catching up. Both of them have been gone for months. One just got out of prison. The other was out of town. I'm not a huge fan of these guys. One talks about how he would never touch KL but he has fantasies about her. The other insists on smoking the pot Savior Man gave me with us. They make comments about Spencer's behavior as he's hissing and biting. They only talk about heroin which I can't help but have a hard time relating to.They try to act like they know what's going on in downtown (as in who is selling or not selling or arrested right now) when they clearly don't. They've been gone for months. They can't school KL on that.

Since I don't like them but KL does I put in ear plugs and lay down while they catch up. When they finally leave I ask KL to start passing snacks to me. She says she's irritated about how they were trying to act like they knew who was selling. "Yeah, that irritated me," I say, "I don't even know anything about heroin but I just wanted to tell them to shut up. I probably know more about what's going on downtown than they do." We giggle and talk for a little while before we both fall asleep. Sometime in the night one of the guys joins us and wedges in between us. At first I had been totally against this but when he doesn't do anything but touch the small of my back I decide I'm okay with this. He is warm, has an extra blanket he covers us with and I do feel safer having a guy sleeping with us. When we're two little girls alone we're easy to fuck with but when there's a guy there people hesitate more.

We don't get fucked with at all and actually sleep very well if you don't count KL having to get up several times to vomit in the night.

--mm