Day Fifty-One

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS*****

We wake first to a girl coming to sit at one of our picnic tables to shoot up then to a police officer. I've never liked police officers but I fear them more now than I ever have. I look up at him blinking, hoping that he doesn't arrest us or think we are with the girl shooting up. 

"You guys are getting ready to leave right?" he asks us. 
"Yes," we both say sleepily. 
"Okay. Thank you."

The officer leaves. We are both surprised at this. Police officers in Portland are not nice to homeless people. I thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster we got the one tolerant police officer to wake us up. We pack up our belongings and head out. I'm in a lot of pain.  I have issues with my right ovary and as such I'm supposed to stay with hormones constantly in my system so that I don't have periods. It's also why I take Cymbalta as it does wonders for chronic pain.  If I mess the hormones up I have the period from Hell. It's like being punched in the stomach while a big black guy squeezes my ovary at the same time.

I'm having a hard time moving from this conundrum and there's nowhere for us to be until 1pm. We go to Starbucks where the guy who had been following us the night before magically appears.  He lingers and we can't seem to get rid of him. Finally he slips outside for a smoke so we grab our stuff and run out the other door and get on the max train. We keep watching over our shoulder for him to follow us until the max finally starts to move.

We go to a different Starbucks where I buy us both drinks since it's one of the ones that only allows paying customers to sit. These little purchases are draining my bank account but I hardly see a way around them. We loiter there so we can charge my laptop and phone. We notice a homeless guy with a black kitten outside. We rush out to introduce Tweak to the cat. They sniff around each other in circles. Tweak lays down and vibrates.

"Is she a street cat too?" the guy asks.
We nod.

How the kitten fell asleep in Starbucks.

We leave shortly after the cats interact. Kitten Lady asks two black ladies if she can sing them a song for a dollar. The ladies begin screaming at her, the usual obscenities we hear for being homeless. They even follow us just to continue berating us for being unable to put a roof over our heads.
"I'd do it for your daughter," KL yells back.
"Does that make you feel good about yourselves?" I ask them, "Beating down a little eighteen year old really makes you feel big and tough? She's probably younger than your daughter and you are cussing her out just for asking if she can sing you a song? What's your problem?"

I am at my wits end with all of this so I just about run to Day Program #2. The Mexican boy who called KL a junkie is stalking the door. I ring the buzzer while he tries to taunt me. Much to my dismay the Spanish staff guy answers the door.
"I need to come inside," I demand, "I am in a lot of pain and I've been being harassed since ten o'clock last night. So help me God I need to sit down somewhere no one is going to bother me."
The guy looks at me like he doesn't know what to do. The Mexican boy keeps running his mouth.
"And he needs to shut the fuck up." I yell.
The guy lets me in as long as I promise to just sit there.

I take the couch and pass out. He wakes me up for lunch but I refuse to move until KL walks by with a brownie. She gives me hers which gives me just enough strength to walk to the kitchen to get some food. They have large, juicy burgers and brownies. S walks with me up to the counter and gets a brownie. I get my burger and ask, "Can I have two brownies? I'm on my period." So, they give me two brownies and S gives me hers. In total I eat four brownies before I go right back to sleep.

I don't wake up for dinner. They try but I refuse. A few fights break out so they close day services early to break them all up. They warn everyone that they are calling the police so we scatter like ants in a smashed ant hill. We go back to the food court because S and KL want to spange. I walk to Powell's to pee and find every fountain on the way is turned off. Inside the store they have taped off all the water fountains with a notice that says there was e coli found in the water so all of west side is out of public water. There is nothing for homeless people to drink.

I go back and lay down on one of the picnic tables. It's hot and sticky and there's no water. I didn't drink anything at Day Program #2 since I was too busy sleeping to do so. I'm pretty fucked. After about an hour or two I get up and tell KL I want to leave to find an air conditioned place to sit. She tells me to wait and I say back, "Please, I'm in a lot of pain."

"Then go walk there by yourself." She tells me.

So, I do. I go to Whole Foods to sit and use their internet for a little bit before shelter opens. I can hardly concentrate because I'm so thirsty and in so much pain. At 8pm I head toward shelter. I look for KL because I need to give her my phone and sleeping bag for tonight. I find her behind McDonalds because I can see the kitten sitting off to the side. When I approach she asks me if I'm okay. I feel like my ovary is about to burst through my skin.

"No, I'm not okay." I say.
"What's wrong?" Her voice is short.
"In all the time we've been friends how often have you been sick? And have I ever left your side?"
She starts yelling at me and I'm honest to God blindsided. She keeps screaming and ranting saying I'm mean to her and I tell her that I have no idea what she's talking about and she just keeps going. "I completely understand why Jesus said fuck you to you. You're so mean."
I don't even know what's going on so I walk away. I give Houdini the sleeping bag and cell phone to give to KL so she can be warm and safe sleeping outside, at least hopefully.

I go to shelter and buzz up asking them if there is any way I can get water. One of the staff brings down a cup of water for me. I find S and ask her what is going on with KL. She says she doesn't know. When she sees I have water she grabs it out of my hand and dumps it out.
"Why the fuck did you do that?" I yell.
"I don't want you to e coli."
"It's clean dumb ass. They brought it down from the cooler for me."
"Oh. My bad."

I want to cry. I just wanted water. I walk to Fred Meyer to try and find some but they have completely sold out of every form of water. They've shut down the soda fountain. Not a single water bottle remains to be sold. It's all gone. I look at the empty aisle parched and I desperately open a bottle of flavored water and dump it into my empty cup. I spill the drink I'm shaking so much and it splashes down at my feet. An older couple who are shopping in the aisle stare but I'm so desperate I don't care. I run out of the store and drink the cup down in one swift drink.

It's time to go into shelter. I get in line and ask Houdini if he knows what's going on with KL.
"She told me to tell you she loves you and goodnight. She's sitting across the street go talk to her."
"I can't," I say, "I just can't take anymore. I don't want to fight with anyone. I just can't take it."
"She's not going to scream she just wants to talk to you."
I buzz myself up and run inside.

Once I get inside and safely showered and sitting up in bed I regret my haste in going upstairs. I know better than anyone that anything can happen to KL while she is sleeping outside. As a young child I was always taught that you should never go to bed angry with someone. I was told that the anger you feel can fester and grow over night and you shouldn't leave things unresolved. You never know when you may lose someone. I wish I could just run downstairs and settle things but KL and S have long since left and I'm stuck in shelter. I cross my fingers in hope she remains safe throughout the night.

--mm