Day Eighty-Three

   ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS****

It's baby shower day. It's going to be busy. I have to get the baby shower together and meet with Bernard at 2pm then be ready to decorate by 6pm. Despite how busy it'll be I'm actually looking forward to all of this. Douche Man is extra terrible in the morning. He comes into the room screaming about how I need to go sweep up the kitchen because we left crumbs last night. When Bitch Lady comes in and asks about it later I say, "I'll be more than happy to clean it but I'm not a dog you don't get to bark at me." She nods in agreement that he was a bit out of line and I continue to get ready to go, saying I'll clean the kitchen on my way out.

When I stop on the landing to tie my shoe I heard Douche Man yelling at Bitch Lady telling her to take my nonuses away for the kitchen. "She's cleaning it," I hear Bitch Lady defending me, "She just said she was about to." You know it's bad when Bitch Lady is defending me.

I come back upstairs to get a broom and with my broom in hand Douche Man starts yelling, "Are you going to sweep up those crumbs?"
"Do you not see a broom in my hand?" I ask.
He starts yelling that this is verbal abuse. I cut him off, "No, the way you are talking to me is verbal abuse."
He keeps yelling at me, "I keep a log of everything you do; you are verbally abusive. I'm going to get you kicked out of here."
"Good," I say, "Because I keep a log of everything you do too and the way you are threatening me right now is verbal abuse."

As I'm walking away I can still hear Bitch Lady sticking up for me and I make a note to tell Director Lady about all of this tonight. I'm not going to be spoken to or threatened like that. I also want Director Lady to know that Bitch Lady is treating me better and trying to help me.

I ask Nazi Man downstairs for a mop and tell him what's going on. When I tell him about how Douche Man woke me up he laughs and says, "You didn't get the memo? That's how we're waking up everyone in shelter now. We go into all the dorms and yell M needs to clean the kitchen." I giggle. I miss my downstairs staff. They treat people a lot better; I really took them for granted when I was downstairs.

Director Lady told me that she will allow Kitten Lady to attend the baby shower if Beard Man gives her permission to be in shelter. After I eat breakfast at #1 I find her at #2 to pass along this information. I also want to get her into the clinic because she hasn't been able to keep anything down for over a week. She throws even water up.

It's pulling teeth to get her to cooperate. Finally, Houdini comes outside and yells at her to go and take care of herself so she lets me push her up there. She then naps outside instead of taking care of business like she needs to. I shake my head at her so she starts yelling at me, "Why are you shaking your head at me? I'm here aren't I? I don't need to give you a play by play of everything I do." I walk away. I'm getting really tired of this.

I go to my meeting with Bernard early. We need to create a plan of what to do with me to get me off the streets. He asks me why I'm so unmotivated to get stuff done. I shrug. "I'm just tired," I say, " I was working three jobs and going to school and trying to deal with health problems before. It was too much. Now I'm just tired. I went to Alabama to take a break and just be that kid that lives with their parents and doesn't have to do anything but I didn't get the break I wanted. I'm just so tired."

Bernard says he'll go to the school with me to see if he can get them to drop the charges and fines for dropping my courses so I can return to school. He says he'll help me get my Trimet ticket removed and get the ERC to help me find a job and get into one of the work experiences they have available. He says they should be able to let me work in the doggy day care then help me find another job working with animals if I so choose. He says they have connections with other places in the area for work. Worst case scenario he'll help me go through a temp agency. This is way more productive than any meeting I ever had with Beatles Lady.

"What do you want to do with your life?" He asks me.
"I want to wake up one morning and be a millionaire and get a mansion and fill it with puppies," I say.
He asks me about my family and what mental disorders we have. I tell him to pick a disorder and I'll tell him who has it. "That bad?" he asks and I nod. He asks about my mother and I say, "She's a worthless piece of shit."
"What disorders did she have?" he asks me.
"She's tricky," I say, "We don't really know what's wrong with her. She was the one who was supposed to turn out normal but she is the craziest out of all of us. She was fine until she got caught up in the church and started losing her mind. She is really narcissistic for one thing. She stole so much from my grandmother that my grandmother had to move in with my aunt. I think she's addicted to prescription drugs but it hasn't been diagnosed. She just carries around a purse full of pills."
I don't mention anything she ever did to me. Just my grandmother. It's okay he doesn't ask.

I tell him about Douche Man in shelter and why I am convinced he is doing drugs and coming into shelter high and dope sick. Bernard rubs his balding head and tells me to keep track of everything and tell him. He promises to buy me a lock box for my medications once I find one that will fit all of them.

I witness KL talking to Beard Man and he tells her he's going to be putting her back on the list for shelter so I figure everything is taken care of and I can go.  I head to the mall to find the last of the things I need to throw this damn baby shower. I steal all kinds of decorations and baby bottles from the big dollar store. It's harder when I don't have KL with me. It makes me a lot more nervous. I pull it off without a problem though and go to shelter to decorate.

Director Lady lets me up and I begin decorating every inch of shelter. She tells me there is no email from Beard Man for KL so I have her try to get a hold of him but I know it's too late and there's nothing she can do. It takes me the full three hours to decorate. Staff comes in while I'm doing all this and they are amazed. They have never seen any youth do anything remotely like this. Bitch Lady says I seem to be doing better upstairs. I shrug, "I like downstairs better actually. The staff down there are a lot better."
"Where are you from?" she asks me.
"California Bay area, where they make Jelly Beans."
"Are your parents still together?"
I almost laugh at this, "No, they divorced when I was like three. I don't know anything different."
"Are they still in California?"
"My mother is. My father is in Alabama now. I don't really talk to either of them though. I've been on my own since I was sixteen."
I'm sitting on the floor, working on getting Pregnant Lady's memory book together.
"That's how old I was when I was on my own too," Bitch Lady says.
"Yeah," I shrug again, "I did pretty good for a long time. I was working three jobs and going to school and juggling health problems. I made it all work and then I lost three and a half weeks due to surgery. Now, I'm here. It can happen to anybody."
"It really can." she says. She was on the streets when she was my age too.

 Director Lady tells me I can take a smoke break so I take the one cigarette I have and smoke outside of shelter. I see KL when I go down so I run back up and grab my extra blankets and some Pedialite I got her to combat the vomiting. I wish her luck sleeping outside, smoke my cig and go back upstairs to shower before the night's festivities begin.

The baby shower goes smoothly, which is a pleasant surprise. Ginger and his girlfriend are so irritated with all the decorations and happiness surrounding Pregnant Lady they go to bed early instead of causing drama. We have a decent crowd for the games and activities. Director Lady remembered to bring the cake with blue cream cheese frosting. Gold, Kitty and Yougio come in half way through drunk as hell but this makes us laugh. When it's a baby shower in shelter you have to expect that kind of thing.

We finish right at eleven. A few of the guys help me clean up. Director Lady excuses me from chores for the night since I spent more than five hours on this. It's the first baby shower, or for that matter any celebration, the shelter has ever had. I'm impressed with myself. I changed the entire atmosphere in shelter for a night in a way that for all the years shelter has existed has never happened.

--mm