Day Eighty-Nine

   ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS****

I get up at nine to call Bernard. He answers the day program phone and I mutter sleepily that I got arrested.
"I saw that." He says.
This wakes me up a little bit, "What do you mean you saw that?"
"PDX Mug Shots online."
I groan.
"What happened?" He asks.
"I got caught stealing."
"What were you trying to steal?"
"Clothes."

I ask him what to do about court. I've never been in trouble before; I have no idea what to do. He walks me through the process and says they'll probably give me a plea deal. He tells me to take the plea deal if it's offered. If they are not going to give me anything I can plead "not guilty" to get an attorney. He says he'll keep his phone on him so that if I need to I can call him. He tells me to ask the judge to give me a break so I can call my case manager should I become overwhelmed. "It'll be okay," He tells me, "It's a small charge, it doesn't have jail time and we can get it cleared off your record."
"Was my mug shot at least cute?" I ask.
"You look stressed." He says.

Baby Mama feeds me breakfast and tells me to ask for another night out so I can actually sleep at her place and get some rest. I eat and get on the bus to go to downtown and go to court. All I have are sweat pants and a t-shirt but Bernard told me not to worry about having nice clothes, to just wear what I have.

When I get to the court house I have to go through scanners and security. I ask what I'm supposed to do and the police officer only tells me to go upstairs. I stand there for a good ten minutes before I realize I'm supposed to check in at a window. When I get up to the front desk I tell the lady I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. She tells me everything so fast I tell her, "Hey, hey slow down. I'm brand new."

She tells me that my charge has been brought down to a violation. She tells me that I will go into the court room, write my name down on a piece of paper, then I can enter my plea with the judge. I'm still not confident in what I'm doing when I go into the court room but I write my name down and take a seat. I start to get my crochet stuff out but before I even have time my name is the first one called.

I stand before the judge at a table with the microphone. I tell the judge the same thing I've told everyone else; I don't know what I'm doing. He tells me that's a good thing and walks me more thoroughly and slowly through the process. He says I can pay a fine, do community service or become involved in social services. He says I can do social services if I am an addict, mentally ill or homeless. Before he even finishes I say, "I'm homeless sir. I was working three jobs and going to school and got sick and lost everything. I was a 4.0 student. The only reason I'm here is because I lost my job after surgery." I tell him the programs I am involved in. He tells me all I have to do is go to those programs and obey my case manager and they'll drop my charge. He asks me for my plea and I look at him feeling kind of stunned. I stutter and he tells me to plea guilty. I have a hard time making my mouth form the word, "Guilty." He tells me to meet with a social worker sitting in a corner.

I go and sit next to the social worker and she asks me about the situation.  I explain everything to her and she says, "You didn't really do anything wrong. This whole thing is no fault of your own. You were just doing what you had to do." She tells me, "This is a good thing. You're going to have even more resources now. We're going to help you."

The judge reads off the agreements after the social worker and I decide them. He says I have to come back on October 22. If I've done everything right and kept my nose clean by then my charge will be dropped. If I don't there will be a $500 fine. "There will be no fine sir," I say.
"I know." He says, "I just think it's only fair I warn you."
"Thank you sir."

When I walk out of the court room all of this finally hits me. I got arrested. Anyone can look up my mug shot. All the same, I'm okay. I didn't even get a slap on the wrist, nothing. All I have to do is get my shit together. I'm okay. I am not laughing. I'm so overwhelmed I have to sit for a minute, I think I will cry but I don't. I walk to #1 to talk to Bernard.

When I get to #1 the front desk tells me that Bernard is in a meeting. I ask them to tell him it's me. He sneaks out of the meeting. That's how I know he's a good case manager. He actually takes the time for me when I need him. He asks me what happened. I tell him and give him the social worker's card. He tells me he'll get in touch with her. I ask for bus passes and if I can get another night out. He tells me I can stay out again as long as I don't get arrested.
"So what do you just sit online all day waiting for clients to pop up on mugshots?"
"Naw," He says, "All the case managers check it in the morning to see if any clients got arrested."
Shit. "I bet some jaws dropped on that one."
"Yeah. We were pretty worried."

I go to Savior Man's house and take a nap with Spencer. He plays online games on his headset while I sleep. When I wake up he tells me my arch nemesis from our old job says hi. "You didn't tell him I was arrested did you?" I ask him.
"No, but he can hear everything you're saying."
"Oops. Fuck."

I give Spencer some more attention then go to meet Baby Mama at the mall. I meet up with her, her boyfriend and his friend. We go shopping at the dollar store where I grab a kid's tooth brush and bubble gum tooth paste set. At the check out I discover that my debit card was left at Savior Man's house. Baby Mama's boyfriend, Turk gets the toothbrush for me.

I buy groceries for dinner and breakfast. Baby Mama cooks us burritos. I eat a bunch then go outside and smoke a blunt with the boys. We smoke outside so it doesn't get in Baby Mama's system with the pregnancy and all that. After we smoke I go to what will be the baby's bedroom and lay on the floor to watch Coraline. It's not even past the opening credits before I'm asleep.

--mm