Day Eighty-Seven

    ****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS****

Baby Mama's boyfriend is waiting outside for us when we step outside of shelter. When she tells him about everything that happened last night he is ready to go kick some ginger ass. I convince them to go to #1 so I can eat breakfast and hang out with them. When I tell them the ginger kids will be there they go. They are ready for some confrontation.

It starts while I'm still in line for my daily oatmeal regimen. I walk with my bowl of oatmeal out into the hallway to see this all unfold. Ginger Kid says Baby Mama pushed Ginger Kid's Girlfriend, "Everyone saw it," he lies through his teeth.
"How did you see it when it was in the girl's dorm?" I ask him, "Grow a vagina lately?"
He growls that someone needs to teach me a lesson. I tell him, "Please do. I'd love to see this."

Bernard forces us to break it up, so the ginger kids run and hide in the day room. I've never thrown a first punch in a fight but god I want to beat their asses. I'm protective when it comes to my friends and their babies and I'm really sick of people threatening me. I just want to fight and get it over with. I want to prove that I can hold my own. I refuse to intentionally end up in a violent altercation though.

I have to meet with Bernard but Baby Mama and her boyfriend want to get out of here so I say I'll call them when I'm done. Bernard asks me what is going on between us and the ginger clan and I tell him all that I can but it's hard to remember how all of this got started in the first place. I don't really know what it is that the ginger kids hate us for besides the girlfriend's jealousy of Baby Mama's real fetus.


He asks me how we can defuse the situation and I shrug. "You heard them. He threatened me. If he lays a finger on me or on Baby Mama since she's pregnant I'll kill them."
Bernard sighs, "Say you'll defend yourself."
I grumble, "Fine, I'll defend myself very well."

I tell him I think Kitten Lady is going to die at the rate she's going with the vomiting and drug use.
"I know," He says, "There's nothing we can do. We can't force her to go into treatment or anything. You're doing the right thing by stepping back. You can't let her drag you down."
"But she could die."
"I know."
"So, you'll just watch her die?"
"There's nothing else we can do besides trying to support her when she'll let us."
"And when she turns up dead in a Nordstrom's bathroom?"
"There's nothing we can do."
"Nothing? Nothing besides watching her die?"
"Unfortunately, no."
I'm disgruntled. I know I need to do something, I'm just not sure what that something is yet.

He tells me to check out the education program if I have time today and I tell him I'll try but helping Baby Mama is my first priority if she gets word that she can move in today. He agrees that me helping her move is important and tells me to try if I have time. I figure I will. I don't have much else to do really.

I call Baby Mama and see where they've gone off to. They're at the mall so I meet them there. We need to go shopping for Baby Mama to get apartment stuff. She doesn't steal, ever but she lets the boyfriend and me steal as long as she doesn't know about it. If she knows she gets too nervous. The boyfriend helps to teach me some of his tricks. "The way I see it," he says, "I'm stealing from Republicans."

 I steal about thirty pairs of socks. "If my socks keep disappearing," I say, "I know Ginger Girlfriend is doing something with them."
The boyfriend smiles, "She is probably casting demons on them and making them get up and walk away."
This makes me laugh. I like him; he has jokes, he can stay.

We then go for Baby Mama to sign the paper work for her apartment. I wait with her boyfriend for her father who is going to help us move her. The boyfriend introduces us and says, "She's Baby Mama's friend. My friend too." The father shakes my hand and says he heard about the baby shower and appreciated that I did that for his daughter. I shrug and say I was happy to do it.

Once the paperwork is signed Baby Mama walks out jangling her key with a smile. We drive to her new apartment which is way on the other side of town. I doze laying on a giant stuffed dog, using it as a pillow. I'm exhausted.

We unload at her apartment then go to get her groceries. We go to a store called "Save A Lot". They require a quarter deposit to get a shopping cart which irritates the boyfriend to no end. The store is cheap and grubby. It's like a Goodwill for food. We hound Baby Mama on what she buys to make sure there's no extra hidden carbs. This is when her dad decides he really does like me.
"She's on her more than we are about the carbs," The boyfriend says, "That's how we know she is a real friend. She really does care about the baby."

Save A Lot is really trying to save a lot because they don't have any shopping bags.  You have to pay a nickle for each bag. I find some of their produce boxes and stack the groceries in there. I'm pretty sure this may be the most ghetto grocery store in Portland.

We unload the groceries and then Baby Mama starts cooking dinner. I'm starting to get one of my migraines so I grab a pillow and lay on the floor. She drops a blanket on my face that smells of fabric softener. I curl up and fall asleep for about two hours. When I wake up my migraine is gone so I feel more like myself. I'm not worried about dinner, I had a giant Jamba Juice for lunch.

We go to her boyfriend's house to pick up her stuff from there. It becomes a Tetris game to try and fit her bed in with all of us in the car but we pull it off with me crawling under the mattress. We unload again and then go to pick up the last of her belongings from shelter. I help her get everything asking, "You're going to miss this place one day."
"Hell no I'm not." She says.
Director Lady laughs at us.

We tell her about what happened with Ginger Gremlin the night before and she says she can't do anything about it. Baby Mama gives me all of her nonuses before she leaves. Outside we say our goodbyes. I will miss her in the dorm. The father shakes my hand and says, "It was nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll see you again real soon."
"Oh yes you will," I say, "I'll be there when the baby comes out. I'll catch him."

I go to Whole Foods to use wifi for the next hour and a half before shelter opens. I take my time getting to shelter after it opens. I don't really want to be there. They bring up another girl to fill Baby Mama's reservation. She's a little Hispanic girl that looks like a boy. I silently hope she does not pick our dorm, largely in part that I want the dorm to myself for the night. I also don't want someone who doesn't speak English in our dorm. I know no Spanish but Ginger's Gremlin's first language is Spanish. I won't stand a chance if I can't communicate with the other girl.

Houdini needs to do laundry because the cat peed all over his clothes but staff won't let him since he's technically not supposed to be upstairs. I finally just do it for him because of the ridiculousness of it all. It's stupid. They know I'm doing his laundry but they have to put my name in the slot and make me do it. Stupid shelter bullshit.

I ask him if Kitten Lady is any better but he shakes his head. I'm beginning to wonder if she is trying to kill herself right now. I don't know how or what to do though. She's nineteen no one can force her to go anywhere like you could if she was a minor.

The only other time I've been in this situation was when I was sixteen and it was my also sixteen year old friend. I just called her therapist and left a voice mail telling her my friend had a plan to kill herself. Due to confidentiality the therapist couldn't talk to me personally but she knew of me and knew enough to trust my voice mail and confront my friend about it. I wish I was still sixteen and could depend on adults to do all the dirty work for me but I know I'm on my own. My only hope is possibly the doctor lady but I don't know how much she can or will do.

There's a metal tree outside of day program #1. The leaves on the tree are engraved with the names of street kids who have died in the program. There's plenty of leaves on the trees. They are supposed to get another leaf soon for the friend of Houdini who recently over dosed in the Nordstrom's bathroom. There will be more leaves to follow him. 13 street kids die every day around the United States. Their bodies are carted off like trash and their names aren't listed in the newspapers; they just disappear.

I don't want the next leaf to be labeled with KL's name but at this point there is little I can do to prevent it anymore.

When I go to bed I see the new girl has chosen our dorm. I'm not thrilled about this. I was looking forward to watching a movie without having to wear headphones and having the privacy of the dorm to myself. But shelter moves fast and each person that leaves is instantly replaced by a new person. I grumble to myself and go to bed.

--mm