Day Four

*****NAMES CHANGED TO PROTECT PORTLAND'S STREET KIDS***** 

I fear I may have made things sound worse than they are in my previous posts. Don't get me wrong this lifestyle isn't fun. In fact, it's quite boring. For example, I can't remember everything we did last night because most of it involved a 4 hour game of Apples to Apples. Why four hours of Apples to Apples? It's pretty much the only game that still has its pieces. So, being a street kid is definitely boring.

However, we function very well as a unit. We do our best to make each other laugh when we can. The guys are polite and offer to carry my bags upstairs. If a functioning communism were to exist anywhere it would exist among street kids. We share our cell phones, laptops, food stamps, everything. We have mastered the art of compromise. The fact is we need each other so we do all we can to help one another out. Whether that mean sharing food or clothes or anything we have or need we do it. We don't ask for anything back because we trust that when it comes to be our turn to be in need our fellow street kids will be there.

For me this makes things all the more bearable. I do not think I would be able to survive this on my own. I don't think any of us could. I'm happy I found these kids because I need to know I'm not alone. And with the street kids I can be myself. I don't have to be perfect. I am who I am but I am not judged for it. It sucks being homeless but I feel hopeful. I have found a safe place. 


Today while waiting for #1 to open Jesus and I went and sat in the elevator with the door closed. It was a place to sit even though the elevator isn't turned on until 9:02. While sitting there the door opened and two well dressed 30 year olds saw us and jumped back as if afraid us street kids would attack.

"Elevator doesn't work until 9:02" Jesus said. They tried the button anyways. It didn't work.
"The stairs work though." I said hoping they would catch the hint.
"I'm lazy we'll wait." Rich Lady said.

I sighed. It was awkward turtle. Rich Man was applying for a job at #1. He was wearing a blue bracelet to match his blue shirt. I didn't like him. Not that I had a reason to not like him. I just didn't. Rich Lady was talking about how he should be applying at places that are hiring. Jesus and I just sat there. When we got upstairs 3 minutes later for breakfast Rich Man helped himself to the breakfast offered for us. I thought that was off and somewhat rude. Jesus shrugged and said it didn't matter but for some reason I didn't feel it was okay to take food from street kids when applying for a job. Not that we don't have enough. I just find it weird.

Besides that nothing all that exciting has happened today. We went to #1 for breakfast. Jesus and I started on a puzzle before they closed. Now we are sitting in the library killing time until they open again. But, we aren't in any rush to get there. That's just more time sitting there with nothing to do, which it seems is all we ever do.

---
At lunch in #1 Drama Girl started screaming about how she wanted to beat “the bitch”. She hit Dreadlocks in the head, screaming and yelling. I was surprised by how little staff did. They apparently “didn't see” her hit her boyfriend. As a victim of domestic violence I really resent that that double standard exists. Pot Head started egging her on saying “That's right beat him up.”
I glared at Pot Head, “Not cool. Do not egg her on.”
He stopped.
“I'm done.” Dreadlocks said and eventually it ended with Drama Girl leaving. 


The rec group offered for the day was going bowling. Jesus and I jumped on that. There was a group of 5 of us who went bowling with two aids. One of them has flippy hair and is a pretty boy. We're all pretty sure he was a former street kid too. The bowling alley was in PSU which made me uncomfortable at first. I was worried about what would happen if I ran into a particular person of the male persuasion with all these homeless kids. I certainly don't want everyone in my life knowing I'm without a place to sleep. Especially him. I don't think I've fully recovered from that disaster. 

"Hey, look we have backpacks. We look like students." Jesus said which was exciting once I realized how we blended in. Except students aren't escorted by two aids. 

We played one game without bumpers and one game with. One of the girls, Bible Thumper, bowled so terrible it made me look good, which is saying something. At one point she was swinging her arm like a crazy monkey and the ball flew back towards us rather than towards the pins.
 
"You know the moment when you fart in a public place and everyone stares at you?" she asked us, "That's what I feel like right now."
"Did you fart when you did that?" One of the aids asked. 
  
After bowling, in desperate need for a nap Jesus and I headed to an underground parking lot, commonly called “Hell” by the street kids. It's a good place to sleep as many people forget it's there so it hardly ever fills up. Redneck came with us, which was a very bad idea.

We went to the bottom of the bottom level. I found a corner and curled up on the concrete. Jesus threw his jacket on top of me. He's a smart street kid. Leather. I tried to sleep but Redneck, being Redneck could not stop being obnoxious. He would randomly start yelling nonsense and Jesus would shush him saying, “Dude, she's trying to sleep.” As this was (I believe) my first attempt to sleep on concrete it didn't go well and finally after listening to half an hour of Redneck's nonsense and Jesus' fart noises I gave up.

“What do you want to do?” I asked Jesus, doing my best to ignore Redneck.
“You guys could come chill at my place.” Redneck offered.
“Nah.” Jesus and I said in complete unison.

We decided on going to Safeway to get ice cream. I thought at this point we might be able to ditch Redneck but to no avail. He followed us like a lost puppy to get ice cream. I went to pee while the boys went to look for the cold creamy goodness. As I walked out I found Redneck holding up two different kinds of Breyer's peanut butter cup ice cream.

“They're two for six. Did you want to buy two?” he asked.
“We have no place to store ice cream.”
“You could put it in my freezer.”
“Pass.”

After deciding on chocolate peanut butter ice cream I went to grab Gusher fruit snacks, Redneck following me like the plague. When we finally sent him to get spoons I asked, “Does he want in my pants?”
“Redneck?”
“Yes.”
“I don't know. Why?”
“He's following me like a lost puppy.”
Jesus shrugged, “Might just be Redneck.”

By the time the three of us devoured most of the ice cream it had started to rain outside. It was the kind of rain that Portland might consider sprinkling but California considered a storm. Jesus and I ran as fast as we could (with my suitcase in tow) to the shelter. A good 15 minute walk. By the time we finally arrived to Porch Light not only were we soaked from head to foot but everything in our bags were as well.

We immediately asked for showers. I had to stand in mine and ring out my jeans. Once we were properly clean and dry we helped ourselves to dinner; I am happy to report it was nacho night. There is little else to report with such happiness. I got my first introduction into what street kid shelter drama is like. Kids talk about how they hate the drama all the time. I always responded with, “I've never seen any drama; I like shelter.” Oh, how I regret those words now.

Dreadlocks and Drama Girl got into it again. This time Drama Girl had a friend with her; even her friend thought she was acting completely insane. “All I can do is talk to her. I'm not going to stress myself out over it.” The friend said, “I'm pregnant. I need to take care of myself.”

Dreadlocks looked so sad and defeated those of us stuck witnessing the drama spent the night trying to lift his spirits while we fought over what words were acceptable in a game of Scrabble (Funkier is. Ced is not). When I went into my bag to get contact solution I got him a pack of Gushers. I was happy this actually made him smile, not everyone has appreciation for childhood snacks. Jesus sold him some pot he found while we were in Hell.

That became it's own set of drama.

Dreadlocks being much more ballsy than any of us decided to smoke it right then and there. Not that any of us could have blamed him with all he had to put up with, with Drama Girl. He went into the hallway and lit up. Now, the shelter gets it. Most street kids do drugs. You can come in high or tweaked or in any state you wish to be in. The rule is that you can't do it there. So when the hallway started to reek and Dreadlocks came in looking much happier than he did a few minutes prior Nazi Man (staff) went to investigate.

“We need to talk.” He said pulling Dreadlocks into the hallway.
“Oh fuck.” we said around the table.

We were surprised when Dreadlocks came back still smiling. He said that Nazi Man had searched him and when he found no pot Dreadlocks denied everything. Without being able to prove anything Nazi Man let him go.

The drama with him and Drama Girl did not end there though. Now, being on the outside of the drama was just fine for me. I have no problem providing people with Gushers to make them feel better. Yet, somehow I became the one sucked in on this one. When I went back into the girl's dorm to put something on my bed Drama Girl asked if she could talk to me. I was so surprised I looked behind me to see if anyone else was there.

“I'm really bad at apologizing.” she told me.
Apologizing for what? Being crazy? I thought.
“I thought you were after my man. I saw you looking at him and so I wanted to beat you up. I'm sorry I called you a bitch.”
For a brief moment I thought about explaining that the reason she catches people staring is that when you scream and yell and hit your boyfriend people are going to stare. They can't help it. In the end I decided that was probably a bad idea.
“He's my baby's daddy you know?”
No, I didn't know but that was alright. I nodded.
“I'm not interested in him or in anybody else here. I don't want a man. I want to get my life together.”
“Do you think he's interested in you?”
“Hun, we never even talked before tonight when I told him I liked his piercing. He didn't even know my name.”

Somehow from there it went to her asking for advice about how she thinks she might be pregnant but doesn't believe in abortion. It was a bit too much for me to be honest. I was still so surprised that I was the bitch she wanted to beat up that I couldn't follow her wanting advice dealing with an unwanted pregnancy: two months after she just gave birth.

I slipped back out to the common area.

“I am so confused.” I told Jesus, “So very, very confused.”
“Why?”
“I'm the bitch Drama Girl wants to beat up.”
I recounted the bizarre conversation for Jesus. He shore my confusion.
I asked Dreadlocks if he knew that Drama Girl thought she might be pregnant.
“She's delusional.” he said.
“No shit, but it doesn't hurt to go with her to a clinic. You are most fertile two months after giving birth.”
“I don't care.” Dreadlocks said, “I just want her out of my life.”
Can't say I blame him.

I wanted to go to bed after all this but didn't want to deal with Drama Girl so I decided to play Battle Ship with some pot head kid I don't know. Just when I thought my night might get quiet I was wrong. I still don't know what really happened with this one. Emo told me that the group watching the movie were giving massages all night but when Vampire Girl started on her turn Nazi Man told them they could not give massages as it is inappropriate touching.

What I saw (or heard rather) was her screaming at Nazi Man. She went on about something having to do with harassment. He gave her the option of going to bed or being quiet. She said something about some guy she or her brother had beaten up (I wasn't quite clear on the specifics). Nazi Man said this was a threat so she needed to leave shelter. He threatened her with a BLA, which basically suspends you from shelter for x amount of days.

I kept my eyes forward staring at the Battle Ship board. I was not going to get sucked into this one. I was not. Random Kid was staring, his mouth open, waiting to see how shit was going to go down.
“Your turn.” I kept saying, refusing to look up.

Eventually Emo, her boyfriend, got her to calm down enough to go to bed. Later while Jesus and I were brushing our teeth he stood there with us and told us Vampire Girl had a three day BLA from shelter.
“Are you going to stay out with her?” I asked.
“If I have to.” he shrugged.
“Does she know?”
He shook his head, “I'll tell her tomorrow.”

To me it seems crazy to become so enraged about something that you have to sleep outside for three days. The thought of having to sleep on the concrete, outside, at night, alone scares me to the point where I don't think anything would be worth that.

When I finally went to bed Drama Girl started asking me for relationship advice. I was completely clueless as to what to say. “Stop being crazy?” Yeah, that would go over well. When she started talking about her anger issues I said, “Maybe you should work on yourself first before you work on yourself with a guy.”

She made some lame excuse and I rolled over and went to sleep, thinking that the drama was over. Of course, I was as always, wrong. 


--mm