So, first and foremost, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Halloween is my favorite holiday so I hope everyone enjoyed it. Hope you have some candy handy because this blog post is going to need some sugar to get through. Quite possibly in the top three of crazyness.
Our photojournalism teacher sent us home to enjoy our holiday. My editor-in-chief friend PussyPants (If you're reading this dear friend, you can get a real name when you grow balls and take your job back.) gave me a ride home. I berated him for sucking at his job for a good several hours. (In his defense he admits he needs to grow a pair and stop sucking). We ended grabbing my roomie and attempting to find liquor which is not easy to do at 9pm in Oregon. We finally settled on Mikes. The next problem was finding a place to drink since we can't drink at housing.
We went up to a park and drank on a swing set bullshitting and making my PussyPants feel bad for how horrible the newspaper has been going and how it has been treating me. After this we drove back to housing and sat in his car, smoking cigarettes, and you guessed it, ruining his self esteem. (Mind you he's twice my age and I trained him in journalism so I kept saying "I raised you better than this").
One of our case managers exited the building. We'll call her Zelda because she's a bad-ass nerd. I appreciate her because she is quite scared of me but admits it and amuses me. She has said before that I keep her alive for the amusing factor. She's probably right. She always says my pony tail has an unusual amount of buoyancy that makes her want to flick it and punk me but she values her life so she does not. (Those are her exact words).
So, we're talking and she's telling me I should stop calling bitches bitches because it doesn't set me up to win blah blah blah lecture lecture lecture. Of course I'm sticking to my if you don't want to be called a bitch don't be a bitch philosophy. During this back and forth (where my PussyPants friend says I'm like this everywhere) a man in a real fur trench coat, wearing a real top hat, comes to the car with a cane. He puts his hand in my friend's open window, kneels in the wet grass and unsheathes his cane, which turns out to be a sword. A real sword.
I say "Hi, person I don't know." as he kneels down. Being in the passenger seat I didn't see everything quite so clearly. Zelda said she could smell the alcohol he emanated. At first I was confused, not frightened. It was he pointed the sword toward the car and I saw the blade I began to feel my heart beat slow down in my chest. I didn't know how to react.
He looked at my friend with hate and anger that I did not know a person could feel for someone they don't know. He moved the sword unsteadily as if deciding whether or not to kill us or who he would stab first. Even from the passenger seat I could see the glint of the sword in the dark night, the sharpness of the blade, and the weight in his arm as he held it. It would seriously injure if not kill us should it make contact with our bodies. The man himself was large, over six feet and large stature. Had he not been so scary I may have compared him to Hagrid in Harry Potter. It would not take much effort for him to hurt us, even without the weapon.
I had my hand on my cellphone; I don't remember what else I was doing. I wanted to call the police but I was afraid that pulling out my phone would alert him to kill us. I kept wishing my friend would roll up his window to protect the three of us in the car, but of course no one wanted Zelda to get hurt either.
My roommate had his phone in hand too. He was trying to figure out how he would protect himself and me should the guy proceed to stab Zelda and PussyPants.
PussyPants was thinking about hitting the guy with the car door.
Zelda quite calmly said, "Hi, this is a problem."
She proceeded to explain to Top Hat Man that his behavior was unsettling and socially unacceptable and if he did not put his sword away she would call the police. She told him that this behavior went against social norms. Top Hat Man apologized, bowed, handed her the sword. She took it, surprised by its weight. She handed it back and he replaced it in his sheath and walked away.
We sat there dumbstruck for several seconds, wondering if this actually happened or if we all experienced the same hallucination. Zelda used this as a further example as to why I should be calm instead of calling people bitches. I can't say I could argue with her after this. We all said goodnight, still mystified by this whole scene.
I almost wonder if she paid that guy to make her point but she said she was terrified despite her calm demeanor and PussyPants smelled the alcohol too. It's been the topic of much discussion since we've gone upstairs. I'm amazed by how well she handled the situation. She, in reality, just saved my life and the life of my two friends. She has earned my respect, which is no easy task.
--mm
"I'm only brave when I have to be. Even kings get scared sometimes." --The Lion King
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