Survivor

I feel like an update is necessary  I don't know where I'm going to go with this blog. Obviously, a daily blog with school and work just isn't realistic anymore. I don't have the hours between homework and retail. I've been thinking about what direction to take this now. I've decided I'll update as much as I can whenever I can but instead of focusing on the daily account of events I'll try to give you snap shots of what I think shows this experience best. The little moments that make and break me, and my homeless friends.

Currently, I'm hunkered down on my bunk in shelter, using the wifi from the bar below us. Even though the penalty for doing this is being kicked out of shelter I don't ever worry about it. I do a lot of things that would kick me out of shelter if I was caught like eating candy in my dorm and keeping my medications on me instead of turned in.

Even if I did get caught it'd be a moot point. I should be in transitional housing by the end of the week. I interviewed on my lunch break on Sunday. They go to deliberation to discuss me tomorrow but every staff member has come to me and said that they heard the interview went well. Even though I was supposed to keep it a secret the youth know and are happy for me which feels good. The bullies in shelter have finally been kicked out so the atmosphere has been a million times nicer. People were smiling and high-fiving when the BLA was given. I will miss being with everybody once I'm in housing. This place really does have its moments sometimes.

I'm in a lot of physical pain from work. Between Thursday and Sunday I worked thirty-nine hours, all of which were on my feet doing physical labor. My body really isn't cut out for that and I think I sprained my ankle. I went to see a doctor in the clinic but my special doctor lady wasn't working. The guy in her place kept trying to get me to say I'm depressed and asked about the scars on my arms, which made me rather uncomfortable. I don't need to justify my past when I'm coming in for a sprained ankle. You can see I visit the doctor on a regular basis; there's no need for you to pry. If something was wrong my doctor would know and help me.

My days are all kind of a blur. I'm either at work or at school or trying to juggle both. On Saturday I overdosed on 5 hour energy shots and coffee, making myself sick. I was shaking so bad I couldn't hold myself up but I pushed through and worked my shift. Sunday I worked thirteen hours, going to my housing interview on my lunch break. Since I start work at 7am I am dependent on staff wake up calls to get to work on time. This is usually fine. Some of the staff have had a lot of fun with it, waking me up with my energy boost drinks. On Sunday though the guy whispered my wake up call so I rolled over and went back to sleep and had to run to get the bus. I still made it on time but I complained about it to Director Lady. Wake up calls are kind of a big deal for staff to half ass.

I do homework on my work breaks. Wednesday I work before I go to class. I'm managing to keep it all together by squeezing in studying and sleeping when I can. I sleep on the bus, in Savior Man's car, and even under the tables at school. Going to shelter after work isn't all that bad; I'm so focused on shower and bed I don't care. After school though it's really depressing. School is my old life, my old friends, my old family. I still haven't quite figured out how to adjust from the old life to this new shelter one. The little tastes of the life I used to live are overwhelming because I know even when I do achieve that again it won't be the same. I'm not as naive as I once was. Not that this is an entirely bad thing. I've learned who my real friends are and other hard life lessons I'm glad I know.

The best part is that my new job sponsors the program where I will be living. So while I'm getting a pay check every week (weekly pay is also really cool) I'm also sending money back to an organization that has helped me through this stage in my life.

I don't know where I'm going to end up right now or what's going to happen. All I know is that even though this is hard and I'm in pain and I'm tired, in the end everything will be okay. When I was sixteen someone told me I was unstoppable; that I could do anything because I was a survivor. Five years later; I still am.