I'm going on less than three hours of sleep. I need to go to bed but I can't. I'm so torn up about events that have happened in the last twenty-four hours. There is A LOT of housing drama. I'm also having personal drama and I'm pretty sure I'm having my midlife crisis twenty years early right now. There's been a lot of deaths around me. There's been a lot of just not good stuff. Then today was just all around awful.
I was coming back from an awful night in which my roommate and I got stranded in Clackamas, and our train stopped at the Union Station. "Oh God," I said, "This is never good."
The conductor got on and said that the train could not proceed into downtown due to an accident on the tracks. "Told you it's never good when the conductor starts talking on a stopped train," I said as the hundred or so people on the train clamored off.
Both of us had food poisoning and I needed to find a bathroom so we walked to my old work. In front of the entrance we found the "accident" the conductor had been talking about.
Accident was not the right word. Not at all.
A man had gone to the top of the building I worked in and jumped off the top floor, falling twelve floors to his death. We arrived at the scene as the police officers were covering the body with trash bags. A mother climbed out of the car in front of the scene cradling a small boy, maybe six years old, to block him from seeing. The man's shoe had fallen off and lay in the middle of the road.
Right where I used to work.
I can't stop thinking about that. I can't shake it. It was awful. With all the death I've been surrounded by, lately. I'm just, at a loss. And as such I'm on here instead of getting much needed sleep. I just don't know anymore.
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