Thursday, July 18, 2013

What To Give, How To Volunteer, How To Help

So I've had people ask me lately what to give/where to donate/etc when looking to help the homeless youth population. Thanks to reddit my post about this has skyrocketed with page views in the last hour. However, it was pretty early in the game to make that post so I thought it would be helpful to make new post on this subject.

Things to Give:
[Most people want to give food but most homeless youth (in Portland at least) don't need food. So I'm posting to offer some alternatives.]
*Money if you're comfortable with it
*Cigarettes
*Jackets
*Warm Clothing
*Blankets
*Tarps (to cover themselves at night when it's raining)
*Sleeping mats
*Crochet your own sleeping mat
*A night in a hotel room or hostel
*Toiletries
*Contact Solution (this was a huge need for me when I was homeless)
*Pet food
*First Aid supplies (another really big need for me)
*Over the counter medications (advil, allergy medicine, etc.)
*Hand Warmers (little packets you shake and they heat up to keep you warm for six hours or so)
*Bikes
*Mini Hair Straighteners and Curling Irons
*Make Up
*Shaving razors
*Puzzles
*Mini Board Games
*Gift Cards
*Shoes
*Books


Places to Donate/Volunteer:
*Big Brothers/Big Sisters
*New Avenues for Youth
*Project Metamorphosis
*Pear
*Food Banks
*Shelters



If I think of any more I will edit and add them later. Have laundry calling my name. :/

Puzzle Pieces

Lately, I've been feeling like my life is a huge clusterfuck of puzzle pieces that just don't fit together. You know how when you're doing a puzzle and you have those two pieces that look like they should fit but they just don't even though there's no other logical place for them?

That's my life these days.

I want Gru out of my life. It's his birthday today, well yesterday now. I refused to even acknowledge it. I've spent $600 on "his" cat in vet bills. And these vet bills aren't going to end either. Linus has been ripping his hair out to the point where his skin is scabbing. Gru didn't even think this was a problem. So I hauled Linus to the vet again today. The vet said we've gotten some undetected fleas and Linus is allergic to flea bites. So I had to flea treat the cats, give Linus antibiotics and antihistamines, and flea bomb the house. Gru has no intention of helping with this naturally.

Now, everyone knows my cat Spencer is my baby. I noticed some changes in his behavior. Namely, he is very skittish and won't come downstairs unless I'm home. The vet and I agreed it was due to me adding a snake (Fluffy) into the family. Yet, as I paid more attention I noticed if Gru wasn't home Spencer would be downstairs. If Gru was home he'd be upstairs waiting for me.

So I watched Gru interact with Spencer. I was not pleased. Not even a little bit. So now, I'm freaking out about my cat possibly being abused by this piece of shit roommate I can't get rid of at the moment. There's other issues involved in the demise of my relationship with Gru but you mess with my kitten you're in for a world of hurt.

This is made even more difficult because I'm having issues in the work department. I'm not going to get into it because really, I've been silent in this department to everyone in my life for a number of reasons. I've already found a new job (was offered a new job the next day) but I'm not sure how people would feel about it (no, I'm not stripping, prostituting, or selling drugs). And I want to wait until I have some pay checks under my belt there before I let anyone know what's going on.

This new job wants me to travel. Like, I might be going to my hometown next month. Which is part of the reason I took the job. I want to travel. The issue is, what am I going to do with the cats? I will not leave them with Gru. Not a chance. So now I have to find someone to take both of the cats for a few weeks every couple of months to make sure they aren't being hurt. Finding someone to take Spencer is not a problem. I have lists of people ready to take Spencer. Linus on the other hand, has to get medicine twice a day. He's less social. He's not everyone's buddy.

And to find someone to take both like the vet recommends? I have my work cut out for me. Then there's Fluffy. Even though she only needs to be fed/watered once a week people are a lot more squeamish about snakes than they are about cats.

So now I have a new job, which I am nervous about, pets I need help taking care of, and a roommate I really want to fall into a lake of fire.

My neighbors are loud assholes who play some shooting game at full volume at 1am. It infuriates me. The walls here are thin so I try to be considerate. I play my movies at night at a lower volume than I would like. And I end up listening to BOOM BOOM BOOM all night. I really dislike obnoxious people.

The situation with KL is still terrible. She will appear and disappear for weeks at a time. She refuses to speak to me. I try to say it doesn't bother me but  it bothers me a lot. Never knowing if today she will turn up dead; it's a feeling I will never learn how to describe. It's terrifying. I miss her so much. I feel so helpless.

I think about how I lost Megan without doing everything I could to see her. It torments me. If KL dies alone in St Louis will I be able to handle that guilt? Just the thought is paralyzing.

I am having trouble with my fibro but I need to find a new doctor. Apparently my doctor was still sharing my information with the housing program upstairs. Finding a new doctor is very stressful when it comes to fibro because many doctors think you are just drug seeking. I'm very concerned about this.

I'm homesick. This is the longest I've ever been without a trip to the Jelly Belly Factory. I know it's a small thing but I miss home so much. I miss my friends. I miss the jelly bellies. I miss the places. I miss that feeling I get when I'm home, like I can breathe easier. My hometown is a hell hole but it's my hell hole and it grounds me to go back. I miss it. I miss my mom, even though I know I don't want to fall into the poison trap again so I don't call. I don't even call the rest of my family because I don't want to fall into the slippery slope. I miss all of them. I miss my brothers that won't/don't talk to me. I shouldn't miss these things but I do.

I wish I could be one of those people who could afford to have a mental break down. I wish I could sit down and mourn the loss of Megan Penny but I still have not been able to cry a single tear for her or the two year old she left behind. I wish I could be angry at KL for running around St Louis and refusing to talk to me. I wish I could have a flipping panic attack about work. I wish Gru would try and hit me one of these days so I could beat the ever living shit out of him for the awful things he has done to my animals.

I really just want to run away and be someone else for awhile. Sometimes I miss the simplicity of the streets. I know I shouldn't complain. When it was hot I thought about how I shouldn't complain because I remember how impossible it was to be in the shelter when it was so sweltering up there. How it was preferable to sleep outside. It made me feel guilty for complaining about the heat.

I have a kitchen and lots of wonderful food that's not pasta though lately I've been eating out. And even eating out, I couldn't do that before.

So a mental break down is neither feasible or justified. Instead, I come online and complain to complete strangers. There are so many more productive things I could be doing but here I am whining at 12:30am.

Pull myself off the streets only to complain about life being housed? What kind of selfish fuck am I?

--MM